At Last
by itlnbrt
Summary: Edward and Bella find each other while married to others. They are two imperfect people trying to make a perfect relationship. With so much to learn and so many mistakes to make, their time will come, at last.
1. I'd Rather Go Blind

**~AL~**

**Prologue**

**I'd Rather Go Blind**

**Cabo San Lucas**

**March 1996**

Edward and Bella arrived at their hotel in Los Cabos with their friends from work. The sun felt hot but the breeze from the ocean was a relief. The scenery was beautiful. The sand stretched as far as the eye could see. Bodies lie on chairs, some with umbrellas and some right on the sand. There were a few little shack-like structures on the beach. One in particular caught Bella's eye with the name, _The Office_. It was a catchy name.

Their last minute trip to Baja California was only possible because of the twenty-nine dollar a night cost. It was all-inclusive, which meant all you can eat and drink at the hotel. Working for a major airline, afforded them huge travel discounts. When they arrived to check in they discovered they were the last group to benefit from that great deal. They came to find out that the pricing was a mistake and the hotel misprinted the flyers they received. The hotel still honored the reservations already made, but was upset with how much they were losing. The flyers should have read, two hundred and twenty-nine dollars a night. Imagine their excitement when they discovered their luck.

"Bella, are you ready?" yelled Edward into the bathroom.

"Yes, I'm ready to go. Is everyone meeting us at the pool?" replied Bella.

"Yup, let's go."

"You look so beautiful, baby," cooed Edward with a kiss.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I love you." Bella replied as she squeezed his cheek. That was her thing; she loved squeezing the cheeks on his beautiful face.

Off they went down to the pool to meet up with their friends and hang out all day.

As they arrived, Edward gave Bella a sweet kiss and told her he would be sitting with the guys in the shade. She kissed him back and gave him a loving pat on the butt.

"Hey girls, don't you two look beautiful with your skimpy little bikinis," said Bella to her friends, Rosalie and Alice.

Rosalie stood up and twirled, showcasing her dental floss thong on her banging body. "You like it?" Rosalie, the most gorgeous woman you have ever seen could pull that bathing suit off.

"Bella, oh my God, took you long enough. Where have you been? Why didn't you get down here earlier? You look super hot yourself! I'm so glad you let me do your shopping for you," babbled Alice.

"Yeah well, you love to shop and I don't, so it worked out perfectly," replied Bella.

The three girls sat by the pool tanning, gossiping, and drinking margaritas for the next few hours. The boys, Edward, Jasper, and Emmett were sitting on the other side of the pool drinking beer in the shade. The band on all of their wrists gave them free reign to unlimited drinks. So, the six of them drank all day with out a worry in the world. That was their vacation and they were going to enjoy it.

After an hour of drinking and talking, Rosalie noticed three skanky looking girls in the shallow end of the pool. They were gathered in the area the guys were relaxing in. It seemed they were making a show of being there because they were being loud with their giggling and splashing. Bella kept her eyes on them but thought they looked quite ridiculous. However, when Bella saw Edward make his way into the pool straight toward the girls she stiffened. The girls sort of surrounded him while he made it look like he was just casually taking a dip.

Bella's known him long enough to read him well, and that did not look casual to her. He went there with the intent to talk to them. Bella lay on her lounge chair quietly watching the interaction. She trusted Edward so far, but she didn't like the way those girls were acting. Even from a distance, you could tell they were flirting heavily. Edward mostly seemed to be talking to the strawberry blond girl while they other two were having conversations with Jasper and Emmett.

After Bella and the girls had lunch, they looked over at their boys to see them sitting on the lounge chairs all cozy-like with those skanks. Rosalie and Alice quietly watched their interaction for a while.

After another hour, Rosalie noticed that the boys were still chatting with those girls. She decided it was enough and dragged Emmett away by his ear. Jasper saw the look on Alice's face and got up on his own, and took her back to their room. Edward continued to talk to that girl, and Bella yelled across to him that it was time to go. She walked back to the room knowing Edward wouldn'tbe far behind her.

Bella decided to lie on the bed until Edward arrived. The sun and alcohol must have made her a bit tired because she fell asleep. A while later she woke up a bit disoriented. She expected to find Edward snuggled with her, but he wasn't. Bella looked around the room and called out to him a few times, but finally gave up since he didn't answer. She couldn't understand why he wasn't there. She checked in the bathroom and of course he wasn't there.

Bella went back down to the pool to see if he wasstill there, but he was nowhere to be found. She thought maybe they missed each other, and she rushed back up to the room.

When Bella arrived to their room again, and Edward still wasn't there she started to freak out. She sat at the desk and called Rosalie first. She asked her if she had seen Edward and was told that she hadn't been out of the room since they got back from the pool. Next she called Alice's rooms and they hadn't seen or heard from Edward either.

Three hours had passed since Bella first left the pool when Edward finally walked through the door.

Bella asked angrily, "Where have you been? I was so worried."

"What?" Edward replied coldly.

Ever since Bella left the pool she has had this odd feeling in the pit of her stomach, like she could sense something was going to happen. Everything was fine between them that morning and she wasn't sure she what the change was. But there was definitely a change because they had neverspoken to each other like that.

So she tried with all her might not to cry, but with the feeling she had it was impossible. "Where were you? I came back up here and thought you were following. Since that was three hours ago, I thought maybe something happened to you. Were you with that girl from the pool?" cried Bella. She felt strange asking him, but she had to know.

"I didn't even know you left, I was busy swimming," said Edward. "What, do you want me to report to you every minute?"

That was when Bella knew something changed something was going on. She didn't know whether she should punch him or cry like a baby, but she had to do something.

So, she charged at him, fist raised, and a face red from anger. "Edward, what the fuck is wrong with you? It has been three hours since I've seen you. We're here on vacation together. "Then she pushed him. "I just don't get it. I'm completely out of my element here. First, you have never spoken to me this way, and second you have never ignored me," Bella said, choking back a sob.

"No, nothing's wrong. I told you I got caught up swimming. I don't know why you worry so much," huffed Edward. Bella knew those were more lies.

"You need to stop lying to me. You're acting strange. You're always so adamant about us spending time together. How could you just go off with out telling me or asking me to go, too? I'm not being clingy here, but I'm not used to this." She waved her finger between them. "You're the one always telling me that we're a couple now and need to do things together that we have no business acting like single people doing things on our own."

She pushed him again. "Where were you? I went back to the pool and you weren't there," Bella yelled.

Edward ignored her and side stepped his way into the bathroom. He jumped in the shower by himself and left Bella in the bedroom still very confused and hurt.

Bella was extremely upset and felt completely betrayed. Betrayed at the fact he has never treated her so coldly. She had never doubted his love, until now. What happened? All this doubt was working her nerves, and causing quite the spell of anxiety.

When Edward got out of the shower Bella jumped in. As soon as they were dressed in casual clothes for a quick dinner with their friends Edward said, "Come on, let's go eat dinner, I bet the others are waiting for us downstairs."

Bella's eyes watered, but she refused to let the tears fall; she didn't want Edward to know she was crying. She was not one to cry, but the hurt and anger were just too much. In the six months they had been together, he had never treated her that way. Bella felt deep down inside that something was wrong something changed.

They met their friends downstairs for dinner and started to discuss their plans for the night. They wanted to go out dancing. So Alice started making plans for the girls to get ready in Alice's room and plans for the boys can get ready in one of the other rooms.

Bella was rolling her eyes becauseshe knew that Alice was going to make a big production out of it. She was also a bit weary to leave Edward, becauseshe knew things weren't right between them. That strange feelingin the pit of her stomach grew stronger.

Dinner was over, and they piled into the elevator to go to their rooms. Bella's clothes were already in Alice's room, so the girls went straight there. Edward gave Bella a slight wave and told her he would see her when they were done.

In Alice's hotel bathroom, Rose was curling Bella's hair and Alice did her makeup.

Rose finally asked Bella, "What's up with you and Edward? You two were acting a bit weird at dinner." Rose didn't want to tell Bella that it was Edward acting coldly.

Bella sighed and willed herself not to cry she said, "When we all came up from the pool, Edward stayed down there. He didn't get back until right before dinner. Then when I asked him where he was all that time he just side stepped my questions. He said he said he was at the pool, and didn't notice I was gone because he was swimming." She shrugged and continued, "It's bull shit because I went to look for him at the pool and he wasn't there. I just have this strange feeling. I don't want to believe that he took off with those girls, but what else am I supposed to think."

"Girl, don't worry. We will have fun tonight. When Edward takes one look at you, he won't be able to leave your side for one moment," said Rose.

Alice had a perplexed look on her face. "Bella, I don't know, but we need to keep those girls away. Even if Edward's deal at the pool was just innocent, I don't trust those three girls. They looked like skanky sluts that have no qualms with taking someone else's man. I just have a feeling about this."

Bella didn't want them to know she felt the same way.

"Alice!" yelled Rose.

"What?" Alice replied defensively.

"Don't do that to her. Don't make her doubt this more than she already has. Things are fine. I'm sure it was a misunderstanding. Edward loves her and would never do anything to hurt her."

"Rose, don't you think I know that, he is my brother. It's just those girls are... I don't know…" Alice trailed off, shaking her head.

Bella just sat there listening and watching as Alice and Rose contemplated her relationship for her. She couldn't say anything for fear of crying. It was the unknown that had her so emotional. Not that she wouldn't be upset if he said he was with those girls, but at least then she'd know where she stood.

So when all three of the girls were ready, Rose called Emmett to tell him they would meet them downstairs.

Rose, Alice and Bella were in the hotel lobby for fifteen minutes waiting for Edward, Emmett, and Jasper to arrive. Finally, Jasper and Emmett snuck up behind the girls and Jasper whispered to Alice, "We can't find Edward. He said he was going to change an hour ago, and we can't find him anywhere."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Alice.

Bella looked upset; everyone could see the hurt on her face. She feltstupid because this was happening to her. If something was really going on, she didn't want to draw attention to it. She just wanted to act like everything was okay.

She knew Alice and Jasper were talking about Edward, because he was the only one not there. Biting her tongue to hold back her frustration, she turned to everyone and said, "Spill it! Where is he? What's going on?" Now she was just plain pissed.

So Jasper gave her the bad news. Bella felt even more ridiculous becauseeveryone was looking at her with such pity. She didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her; she just wanted Edward. She needed to be alone; she was too conflictedto be around anyone.

Bella turned to the gang and said, "You all go ahead to the club. I'm going to look for him, he is probably at the bar drinking a beer. Or maybe he is back in the room, and we all just missed each other."

Alice asked her if she wassure and Bella shrugged. "Yeah, we'll see you there in a few." She lied, because she knew she wasn't going to be able to find Edward.

Bella looked everywhere for him, but he was nowhere to be found. By then she was crying, and her heart was literally hurting. It hurt so bad that it felt like a heart attack. Pain traveled up her left arm, and her chest felt so tight. She couldn'tcatch her breath and wasn't even sure how she made it back to her room. All the stress of the day was giving her an anxiety attack.

She wasn't sure how much time passed, but she found herself on her bed in a daze. She decided to get up, shake it off, and get ready for bed.

She couldn't understand what had happened. The unknown was killing her more than anything. She was so full of pain and hurt and tried to figure out why he would just disappear. What did he see in that girl at the pool that he was willing to risk everything he had with Bella? They had been so good together since they were officially a couple. Her brain was going non-stop until she saw the light slowly coming through the window.

It was at that moment, at fouro'clock in the morning, when she realized they were going to have their first major fight and most likely break-up.

**~AL~**


	2. Damn Your Eyes

**~AL~**

**Damn Your Eyes**

**September 1995**

**~AL~**

"Flight thirty-twenty is ten out," a voice called through the microphone on my shoulder that wound up from the radio on my belt.

"Copy that, thirty-twenty, ten out," I replied back into the microphone that was assisting me in an on-time operation.

"Emmett, get your crew ready. Did you hear thirty-twenty is ten out?" I said to the Crew Chief that was working tonight.

"Yeah, we've got it covered. Don't worry so much," he chuckled.

I worked swing shift from two p.m. to ten-thirty p.m. at a small commuter airline called American Eagle Airlines. I knew everyone I worked with and was well respected. I worked hard, knew my job well, and treated everyone with respect. I loved my job and was working my way up the ladder to Manager. Without a college degree, I had to work ten times harder than everyone else.

My husband, Mike, was the guy I dated occasionally in High school. I moved to Culver City, California the summer I turned sixteen. It was right before I was to start eleventh grade. I'd left Boston and all of my family to live with my father. It was a difficult decision, but I wanted to make him happy. Charlie had begged me for years to move in with him as we actually only saw each other during school vacations. He and my mother divorced when I was three.

I expected to move back home after I graduated, but the two years with Charlie really opened my eyes. After living in the melting pot of Los Angeles and meeting a huge variety of people I could never fit in back home again. Boston was too uptight. Boston didn't have many other nationalities, other than Italian or Irish. I just couldn't go back to that close-mindedness.

So, I graduated high school, got my own apartment and dated Mike for a few years. Then he asked me to marry him and because I was comfortable, I said yes. We got married and a month after his proposal I was pregnant. Charlie always warned me against getting married and he wasn't happy when we told him about the marriage and pregnancy. My mom, Renee, was flighty so our news didn't really faze her. She just acted excited and moved on to what was important in her life at that moment.

I should have listened to Charlie. He never liked Mike and didn't want me to marry him or anyone else for that matter. He said I was too young and needed to go to college. I was too stubborn and hated being told what to do. I guess I had to learn the hard way.

I was married by twenty and had my first child at the age of twenty-one. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but shortly after Matthew was born, I couldn't stand my husband anymore. I guess I grew up and realized I had someone else very important to take care of, but Mike was still so immature. I realized he never took care of me. He jumped from one job to another after I paid to send him to trade school to be a plumber. I had to work two jobs to take care of my son and the household. I refused to care for my grownup, irresponsible husband as if he were another child of mine. He was more interested in hanging out with his equally stupid high school friends rather than taking care of his family. Yes, I was extremely resentful.

It was about a year after my son was born that I kicked Mike out of the bedroom and onto the sofa, and I honestly didn't have much to do with him after that. He still loved me and wanted to be with me, but I was done. I was done trying and was dreadfully building up the courage to move on. He never worried about taking care of us. So, I just did what I had to and coordinated with Mike about babysitting Matthew while I worked.

During holidays or get-togethers, he would get so trashed and then become violent. On many occasions, I had to fight him off while he'd try to stab or choke me. I was a fighter and would try my hardest to hurt him enough so he would leave me alone. He truly didn't know whom he was dealing with. Being Sicilian, I had a temper and would kick anyone's ass that wanted to mess with me and mine. God forbid if something happened to me and Matthew would be left with him. I would just die.

My escape from him and his drama was going to work, but I missed my baby so much. I picked up extra shifts not only because we needed the money, but because I didn't want to be home with Mike all day.

One night, I was walking on the ramp delivering payloads to the captains on the aircrafts, and I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. There he was sitting on a baggage tug most likely waiting for his next flight to arrive.

I did what any friendly person would do, walked right over to him, and introduced myself.

"Hi, my name is Bella. What's your name?" I asked as I stuck my hand out to shake his in introduction. I couldn't help the huge smile playing on my face.

He looked shocked and kind of sat there with his jaw hanging open. Finally, he snapped out of it and answered, "Oh, um, I'm Edward." Then he smiled a deliciously crooked and beautiful smile, which made me soak my panties.

God, he was beautiful. Perfect bone structure and those damn green eyes just pierced through my soul. I looked at his mouth as he spoke and wanted to lick his pouting lips just to see what they would taste like. I couldn't see his body, but fuck, from what I could see he was delicious.

Once I stopped ogling him I had to ask, "Are you new, because I've never seen you before?"

"Yeah, I just started a couple of days ago. I transferred from AMR cargo department," he replied. I wasn't really listening; as I was too busy checking him out. Wow, he had the most perfectly tanned skin and shinny light brown hair. The sun was starting to set behind him, and it reflected the auburn highlights in his hair.

**~AL~**

I'll never forget that day and I look back on it often. Little did I know at the time but it changed my life forever.

Edward and I spoke a lot and spent our breaks together. Since we worked the same shift, we ate lunch together or drank coffee on our breaks. During those times, we talked about our lives. He told me that he was married and didn't have any kids. I told him I was married and had a son. I learned he was thirty-four and I had just turned twenty-four. We had a lot of things in common and just clicked so easily.

I felt quite comfortable with Edward so I told him about Mike and how I wasn't happy. Edward never actually spoke much about his wife, Jane. I didn't know much about her or their relationship. He never mentioned that he was unhappy so, I assumed that all was well on that front.

I introduced Edward to my group of friends and was quite embarrassed when I found out one of my best friends was his sister. Alice, my little pixie of a friend, never told me that hottie I've been drooling over that first day I met him was her brother. Nepotism wasn't allowed when they were hired and they never spoke of being siblings.

Since we all worked swing shift, we would often go to the local bar after work and have a few drinks before heading home. Mike never questioned my whereabouts because he knew better. Edward began joining us for drinks, and he fit in perfectly with my friends. Four of the people I regularly got together with were my best friends. Rosalie and Alice were dating Emmett and Jasper.

The four of them were so good to me. They understood my situation and always helped out where they could. Whenever I needed a last minute baby sitter, one of them would jump at the opportunity. They all loved Matthew and he loved them. They tried to convince me all the time to kick Mike out, but I felt awful for Matthew. I didn't want him to blame me for not having his father around. They promised that if I did they would stand by me and help out. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I needed to do it on my own time.

The more time I spent with Edward the more I wanted Mike out of my life. I was falling for Edward in an extremely bad way. I knew no good could come of that situation since he seemed happily married. We had an amazing connection and enjoyed each other's company, but that's all. The word in the rumor mill at work was that we were fucking. As much as I would have loved that to be true, it wasn't. Poor me. Right? The biggest problem was that that type of gossip was not good for my career.

One evening Mike told me that he and his mom wanted to take Matthew to visit his great-aunt who he hadn't seen in a long time. She hadn't met Matthew yet either and since she was aging he wanted her to. So they left on seven-day trip and I stayed home and worked.

I hadn't been home alone in years since Mike never went anywhere and I began to feel liberated. During my days off, I cleaned the house, did laundry, and went to my kick boxing class.

**~AL~**

The first day Mike was gone I still had to work so I drove the ten minutes to the employee parking lot. When I got on the employee bus that took us to the terminal, I saw Edward sitting alone in the back. I went and sat down next to him and began to tease him. I kept nudging my elbow into his ribs but he didn't reciprocate. We we're usually really playful with each other. I stopped and looked at him in the eyes, and his eyes were laced with sadness.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked. He shrugged and said, "Nothing, I'm fine."

I knew him too well so I knew he was lying. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I'm your friend and am always here for you," I said.

When he looked me, again there was nothing but sincerity in his expression. He told me he was fine, and he knew he could count on me, but he left it at that.

That night at work, I watched him carefully trying to figure out what was bothering him and I spent all of my free time with him, silently comforting him from whatever it was that was tormenting him.

It was a perfect night for our group to get together since we were all working. It was almost time to go clock out when I made the last minute decision and invited everyone over to my house instead of going to the bar. I told Edward to come over and gave him my address. He said he would be there, but I wasn't so sure.

Everyone stopped to pick up their choice of alcohol on their way to my house. We started drinking quickly, guzzling a few beers right off the bat and a couple of shots of tequila for good measure. I started feeling good and pulled out my CD collection to have my friends pick what they wanted to hear. Edward was the first one to look through my music and was impressed with my collection. Although he didn't like it all, I did have a wide enough selection to satisfy his tastes. I owned anything from R&B, Disco to Salsa, Spanish pop, Motown, rock and many other genres.

I remember my favorites at the time were _Gloria Estefan's Mi Tierra, Charlie Zaa's Sentimientos_, and a bunch of Spanish Rock songs. I was addicted and had them on repeat all the time.

Yes, I learned to speak Spanish because living in L.A., it was a necessity. It also came in handy because I could communicate with Edward on a whole other level. Spanish was his first language ,as he was born and raised in Mexico City.

There I was an Italian from Boston living in L.A. who spoke Spanish and loved every minute of it. Even better than that, no one ever expected me to speak Spanish so I got the juicy gossip. I remember my first day of work when I was being showed around I heard someone make comments about me in Spanish. When I turned around to see who made that comment, I surprised him by answering in Spanish. Man, he was shocked and embarrassed. It was always cool to surprise people like that.

Anyway, everyone was getting majorly trashed and we were all dancing around like carefree teenagers. At some point, Edward came over to my side to ask me something.

"Bella, is there a fast food place around here? I'm starving and want to get something."

I thought for a moment trying to remember somewhere suitable. "Umm, well there is a place around the corner that has everything from Mexican to hamburgers. The place is called Lucy's you can't miss it. Or better yet, do you want me to go with you?"

Edward smiled his gorgeous crooked smile and said, "Sure, let's go."

Edward drove a 1990 BMW 325i, and never let anyone drive it. It was his baby, and he cared for it greatly.

"Hey, why don't you let me drive since I know where it is," I said innocently, batting my eyelashes knowing he'd never let me. I knew how much he loved his car and never expected him to hand over his keys.

"Sure, here," he said as he handed over his keys. I was pretty shocked and seriously didn't expect him to say yes. I smiled to myself because it meant something that he trusted me enough. I tried not to analyze it too much, but I hoped it meant something for him, too.

So, we went to Lucy's and ordered a bunch of food for everyone. Once we pulled up in front of my house, I turned off the engine and started getting out. Edward made no effort to get out and as I turned to face him, I found that he was staring at me. I began to feel a bit uncomfortable under his scrutiny. Before I could register what was happening, he pulled me towards him with his hand behind my neck. Next thing I knew his lips were on mine and we were lost in a deep, passionate kiss.

_Oh my God! What is he doing? Holy shit! What did this mean?_

I couldn't even think. I just went with it and didn't want to think of the consequences.

Finally, when I needed to breathe I pulled away. I whispered, "We better get inside before everyone wonders where we are." I was so nervous I was shaking.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go," replied Edward.

I was flushed and I honestly didn't want to go inside. I had no idea why he did what he did and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. I figured he made a mistake and didn't mean it and I didn't want to face the rejection. For me, though, it was the most spectacular kiss I'd ever had. But I just didn't know how I should act around him after the kiss.

We went inside and gave everyone some food. After we were sated, we continued to drink and enjoy ourselves. But every chance I got I would look over at Edward. He was just so beautiful.

I sat next to my two best friends Rosalie and Alice.

"What's wrong? You're acting so strangely," Rosalie asked. Rose was extremely observant and I should have known that she'd see right through me.

I laughed. "Nothing is wrong. What makes you think anything is wrong?"

"You have the most wicked smile spread across your face." Alice pointed out.

"Oh, God. Nothing, it's nothing. I'm fine. I think I just drank too much." I hushed them.

They knew me so well. I didn't want them to know what happened yet since I didn't thoroughly understand it myself.

A couple of our friends started leaving since it was already around two in the morning.

Emmett and Jasper stood to leave and so did Rosalie and Alice. Emmett and Jasper lived together, but Rosalie and Alice still lived with their parents. The girls were saving their money for their futures.

Finally, the house was empty except for Edward and me. I looked at him with a questioning expression, and he just shrugged and smiled. I didn't think anything of it because I was much too wasted. We just sat on my sofa and chatted for a while and sneaking looks at each other. When I least expected it, he grabbed my face and kissed me again. His lips were so soft and he was so gentle. I loved it and was in heaven. My lips and face tingled where he was touching me.

I had such mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was ecstatic that he kissed me again, and then on the other hand I thought about the fact that he was married. I knew I was married too, but it had been a long time since I had honestly felt married. I didn't love Mike and hadn't for a long time. I knew it was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself. I loved Edward.

I never realized it before then but our close friendship was so much more to me than just that. He was quickly becoming an important person in my life, and I understood that he had a wife. It was just easier to not think about her, and since he never spoke of her, it was like she didn't exist.

Edward began caressing my neck, and then down my back until he left his hand was on my lower back. I placed my hands on his chest and just reveled in the feel of him kissing and touching me. Before I could get used to his hands on my back, he placed them under my shirt.

In between kisses, he said, "So, soft." His hands continued up and then under my bra. He moved his thumbs over my nipples and they stiffened instantly. I was panting just from his touch, if he continued I would die for sure.

He removed his hands, grabbed the hem of my shirt, and lifted it off me. He undid my bra with a quick flick of his fingers and continued exploring. He caressed every bit of my torso and left a trail of tingles behind. I wanted more.

I unbuttoned his shirt and slid it over his shoulders. He was lean, muscular, and absolutely stunning. His skin was so smooth and he had a small trail of hair right above his pants. I began to lick and nibble across his collarbones and down to his nipples. His skin began to pebble, and he was trembling.

With that, he went straight to my pants and began to unbutton them. I lifted my butt to allow him to remove them. I didn't want to be the only naked one, so I removed his pants, as well. We lay on the sofa kissing and exploring each other's bodies.

"Beautiful," whispered Edward.

Edward moved his hand lower and lower until he reached my bare mound. His finger moved down between my lips. It felt so foreign but good. It had been such a long time since I had been touched in that way. It had been over a year since Mike and I had been intimate in any way.

Edward knew his way around my body. Every touch and caress left my skin on fire. He continued to stroke between my lips and let one of his fingers enter my pussy. I was sucking on his earlobe and kissing his perfect jaw. I grabbed his large length and began stroking it. He was amazingly hard and soft at the same time. It felt like silk over titanium.

We were panting heavily and he moaned when I touched him. Finally, he shifted us so he was on top of me and his legs were between mine. The weight of his body on mine felt so right. The tip of his cock was right at my entrance. I waited and held my breath in anticipation of what was to come.

I opened my eyes and my breath caught with the way he looked at me. His gaze was so intense and his lids were hooded. I fell into his spell. He must have seen the love reflected back at him because in that moment his lips crashed into mine while he entered me. I gasped at the welcomed intrusion. I felt so many sensations at once. That kiss was different from our first. It was possessive, passionate, and if I'm not mistaken, it was filled with love.

"Ah. Mmmmmm…. God, you feel so good," I breathed.

We both sighed our pleasure. In that very moment, while we were connected as one, all other thoughts were forgotten. Our spouses, my job, and all other obstacles didn't exist in that moment of bliss.

I pushed my hips up to meet his thrusts as he pushed in. It felt so incredible to be one with him. Our bodies worked together as sweat covered our skin. We kissed, touched, and caressed. Finally, we both exploded. Bodies tensed, bright lights flashed before my eyes, and we collapsed. Our boneless limbs tangled on the wet cushions of the sofa.

Edward kissed my eyelids, my nose, and my lips and then looked at the time. He got dressed and kissed me good-bye.

"Do you have to go?" I asked as I watched him gather his keys and walk to the door.

"Yeah, I need to get going before my wife realizes I'm not home yet." He pulled the door open.

I threw my shirt back on and walked to the door while I stepped into my pants. "Oh, of course, it's late. You better get going."

He chuckled and replied, "No, it's early." I fake chuckled, because honestly I didn't find it funny.

I hid my disappointment and showed him out. With one last good night kiss, he was gone.

I fell asleep there on the sofa where we had shared the most intimate of moments. When I woke up, I started panicking. As I began to recall the events of the previous night, I couldn't contain the panic attack that was coming on.

What we did was so wrong on so many levels. We were both married. I vowed to myself never to get involved with anyone from work. Everything was ruined. I just knew that my friendship with Edward was now tainted. I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid. How was I supposed to act around him at work?

All these different thoughts and questions were running through my mind. I felt dizzy, clammy, and had trouble breathing. I felt like I was going to pass out from the worry. Things would not be the same after what we had shared.

Just at that moment my phone rang snapping me out of my panic attack long enough to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, beautiful!" Edward said.

_Oh, my goodness. Beautiful?_

I quietly began hyperventilating from the shock of his call. To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

"Hi, How are you?"

I never expected him to call. I was about ready to chalk that one off to a one-night stand, never to be addressed or acknowledged again.

But I supposed Edward had other plans in mind. That was when our relationship began.

**~AL~**


	3. All I Could Do Was Cry

**~AL~**

**All I Could Do Was Cry**

**October 1995**

**~AL~**

The next couple of weeks went by with stolen kisses in the parking lot of the bar we frequented. We didn't want anyone to know about us, so we had to be careful. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper were the only people we told, but the others in our group were suspicious.

I had many reasons why I didn't want anyone to know. I came to find out that Edward's wife used to work with him in the cargo department, and she still had many friends around the airport. I wanted Edward to make the decision on what he wanted to do with his home life not because his wife kicked him out after finding out he cheated. Of course, I wanted to be with him, but I didn't want to be the reason for their split. I had to find out more about their marriage. He was always so closed off when it came to her.

I also didn't want anyone in our department to know because it would put a wrench in the promotion I was working toward. The promotion would make me Edward's boss, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't held against me. One of the rules at work was you could not be a direct supervisor of a spouse or relative. I didn't want people to think I was capable of favoritism. I knew it wouldn't be a problem because I knew how to separate business from pleasure, but in general people didn't always tend to believe that.

Another reason was that I wasn't separated from Mike yet, although it was something that held a priority. I planned to tell Mike that it was over and he needed to leave soon. That was going to be difficult for me to do. I didn't want to be married to him, but I didn't want to intentionally hurt him either. Above all, we were friends first and we shared a son together, so we needed to be civil.

It was another Friday, about three weeks after my tryst with Edward. We were meeting at the bar we called The Eight Ball, because the sign had a picture of a big eight ball with a cue stick on it. On Friday and Saturday nights, they had local bands that performed. Some of them were really good and played often. It was a sports bar that served lunch and dinner and at night the dinning area would double as a dance floor. Part of the dining area was cleared for a dance floor. They had one-dollar Coronas for airport employees, and we always took advantage of that special.

One of the guys in our group, Alec, was a deejay for fun. Alec was a good friend and like a brother to me, although my other friends seemed to think he wanted more, as if he was only nice to me because he wanted to get into my pants. Alec was not attractive at all, but his personality was kind and genuine. He was quite tall, shaved his head because he was bald, and was a bit heavy set, or maybe just big boned. If you didn't know him, he looked quite intimidating.

I got to know the owner of the bar pretty well, and I hooked Alec up with a part-time gig whenever he wanted it. The band that played that night was an eighties cover band, and they were pretty good. Alec was the deejay while the band took breaks, and that was when we would all have a blast. Alec knew how to fill the dance floor, and he played all of our favorite songs.

When Rosalie, Alice, and I heard the opening lyrics of _Lamento Boliviano_ by _Los Enanitos Verdes,_ we started to scream and ran out to dance.

Me quieren agitar  
me incitan a gritar,  
soy como una roca,  
palabras no me tocan  
adentro hay un volcan  
que pronto va a estallar  
yo quiero estar tranquilo

I loved to dance, and could dance all night long. Everyone knew that, around me, they had to dance or I would drag them out on the floor. The guys would act put out, but they secretly loved it.

I danced with everyone and looked around for Edward. I spotted him sitting in one of the booths drinking his beer and looking a bit solemn. I shrugged it off and figured I'd talk to him afterward. The girls and I were having too much fun to let his mood swings ruin the night for us.

The lights flickered to warn us that it was last call. We ran up to the bar to get one last beer to cool off from all of the dancing we had done. Saturday was my day off and the day I planned to tell Mike to move out. I dreaded that whole discussion because I knew it wouldn't go well, and I honestly didn't expect him to just say "okay" and go.

It was time to leave, and I asked Edward if he had a few minutes to talk before he went home. We agreed to meet around the corner so no one would see us together. I said good night to everyone with hugs and kisses.

"Call me tomorrow if you need anything," whispered Alice as we hugged goodbye.

"I will. Thanks," I replied.

When I arrived at our meeting place, I saw Edward's car and knocked on the passenger window so he could let me in. I heard the click of locks and jumped in quickly because I was excited to be alone with him. When I got in the car, I expected to be greeted with a kiss or a hug, but he just sat there looking out the window.

"Hey, so I wanted to talk to you," I said as I looked at his brooding expression. I instantly knew something was wrong. It was so difficult to know what mood I would be met with. His moods swung like the pendulum of a clock.

When he finally answered me, it was with an uninterested voice. "Okay, I wanted to talk to you, too."

_Great, with the mood he's in, it can't be good_. So I decided I would get out what I had to say before he could ruin my moment.

"So, I wanted you to know that I'm going to tell Mike to move out tomorrow. I don't want to be this person that is a cheater, regardless of the state of my marriage. So yeah, I just wanted you to know." I rushed out.

Of course, I was hoping he would tell me he was leaving Jane, too. He continued to look out the window and crushed me in that moment with his words. "Um, well I wanted to tell you that … Um … I don't want any problems and that I'm happy at home. What happened between us was a mistake and can't happen again," he said. It was so quick and mumbled I wasn't sure I heard it right.

_What the Fuck?_

My heart leapt into my throat and I instantly felt nauseous. I couldn't speak, so I just sat there, stunned into silence. I had so much to say, but needed to gather my thoughts before I said something I would regret. Talk about mood swings; I wanted to kick his ass. So I decided to just pacify him so I could get the fuck out of there.

Suddenly, angry tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't want to cry in front of him. "That's fine. I wouldn't want to be the cause of your problems. It's not like I was the one that started this shit. Whatever," I spat and jumped out of the car as fast as I could.

_Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!_ Once I was in my car, I took off quickly, pounding the steering wheel with my fist. _I must be the most stupid bitch in the world._ _Fuck!_ I pulled out my cell phone and called Alice.

"Fuck, you're not sleeping, are you?" I asked quickly before she could say hello.

"No. Not yet. What's wrong?" she asked.

I broke down. I couldn't hold it in any longer. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"I just … I just … I can't! I knew the risks and I knew that I could get hurt. I was the one that always spoke about my problems and my marriage, but he never said anything about his. I just thought that we shared a connection and that he felt the same for me as I do for him."

I decided to pull over because I was too hysterical to drive. "Alice, I told him that I was going to tell Mike tomorrow that I wanted him out. That our roommate status just wasn't working anymore." I searched my car for a napkin or tissue because my nose was running from crying so much. I found one, wiped my face and nose, and continued. "But I don't know Alice. He was acting weird all night anyway and then in the car he was just looking out the window. He wouldn't even look at me. The kicker is though, he told me that what happened was a mistake and that he didn't want any problems."

I took a deep shuddering breath. I was so hurt and emotional.

"You know I would tell you if I knew anything, but he is so private with his life. He never talks about her to us. They haven't come over here to visit my mom in a few months, but it's not like they came over a lot since they've been married anyway. Edward calls my mom everyday, but that's it. No one in the family is knows what goes on between them. I know they fight a lot, but I don't know anything more," she told me.

"He never said anything to me about her and I shared everything with him. What kind of idiot am I, Alice? I didn't expect what happened between us to happen, but it did. I just thought it meant more to him like it did for me. I feel so used, but I fucking love him, Alice."

"Honestly, I think something has been going on between them. Edward would have never been with you if things were good with her, and I see how he looks at you. He has feelings for you, Bella, but whatever his turmoil is, it must be bad. Let him work out his shit, and you take care of yours. It will all work out. I know it. It's late and I want to sleep. Call me tomorrow after you talk to Mike, and we'll take Matthew to the park. Okay?" Alice's voice was full of conviction. I heard rustling in the background as if she was getting into bed and decided she was right. It was too late to try and make sense out of this.

"Thanks, Alice. I love you. I'll call you tomorrow." With that said, I hung up.

**~AL~**

I felt tiny little fingers tracing my eyelids, and slowly I opened my eyes. The most loved person in my life greeted me. "Hi, baby. How did you sleep?" I whispered as I laid kisses all over his little face. He giggled in reply.

"What do you say kiddo? How about we get our day started?" I asked.

I carried him down the hall into the kitchen and asked him what he wanted for breakfast. He still spoke in sounds, semi-words, and pointing. We taught him English and Spanish and may have delayed his speech because of that, but the few words he did speak were in Spanish. Lifting his chubby little finger, he pointed to the box of cheerios and said, "eche." That was his way of saying milk in Spanish.

I sat Matthew in his highchair and prepared his breakfast. Then I looked into the living room to see Mike still asleep on the sofa. I sighed as I thought of the disaster that I was going to face in a little while. As much as I wanted him to move out, I didn't want to see or deal with the devastation that would cross his face once I told him. He had always been a good friend, but just didn't know how to be a good husband. I finished preparing Matthew's breakfast, and began to make myself some coffee.

"Good morning," I heard from behind me. I turned around to see Mike standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Good morning. What are your plans for today?"

He stood there stretching and scratching his stomach while he thought. With a yawn he said, "Nothing. Why?"

"Sue is coming at nine to pick up Matthew for a bit because we need to talk," I told him. Sue was Charlie's wife and a real mother figure to me. She was always there for me since my own mother was so flighty.

Mike asked, "What do we need to talk about?" Argh, I knew he would ask, but there was no way I was starting this conversation with Matthew there. "We'll talk when Matthew leaves."

I finished feeding Matthew and took him to my room to get him ready to go with Sue.

I heard the knocking on the metal security door and yelled to Mike to answer it. Then I heard Sue's voice coming toward my room.

I walked over to greet her with a hug and kiss. "Good morning, thanks for coming. Do you know what you two will do today?"

"Oh, we're just going to go back to the house and bake cookies. Your dad should be home in an hour or so, and we'll probably take him to walk around the lake and feed the ducks," she said.

They lived in a nice community that had a beautiful, manmade lake. The property was used as a filming lot for MGM studios back in the day and now has a community of townhomes on it. The lake was in the middle with a really nice clubhouse that could be rented for parties. The grounds were really beautiful, and Matthew loved to feed the ducks that hung around the lake.

"Well, save me some cookies, and I'll call before I leave to come and pick him up. Leave word with the security guard at the gate that I will be coming by, just in case you guys are at the lake when I arrive," I told her.

With a kiss to my cheek she said, "No problem, we'll see you later. Matthew, give your momma a kiss."

Matthew puckered up his little red lips and gave me the wettest kiss ever. "Bye baby, I'll see you later. Be good for grandma, okay?" I squeezed his chubby little cheek and looked at Sue. "Thanks for taking him."

I jumped in the shower to calm my nerves and go over in my head how I wanted to start the conversation. No matter how many times I tried to work it out, I knew it wouldn't go as planned. I just hoped he would keep his composure and not get violent. I finished getting ready and went to find Mike. He was stretched out across the sofa watching TV.

I looked at him and said, "Hey, you want to turn that off so we can talk?"

He clicked the TV off and looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to begin. _Shit, I don't know how I am going to start this conversation. _I started to shake a bit from nerves, but I wasn't really afraid of him when he was sober. I just wasn't sure how he would react.

"Um, so I wanted to talk about us. You know things have been different with us for a while now, and it's like we've been living like roommates instead of husband and wife. I'm sorry; I'm just not in love with you anymore and haven't been in a long time. I have held off on doing this for a year because I wanted to see if anything would change, but it hasn't." I sighed and took a cleansing breath. "You can't hold a job, or you refuse to. I've had to work two jobs and take care of everything here, and all you do is babysit. You are a violent drunk, and if that isn't reason enough, I don't know what is."

I chanced a look at him and he was pale. But I was on a roll and felt a huge sense of relief. "I'm just tired of you trying to kill me when you drink, and I don't want to have to worry about what might happen if you succeed. What would happen to Matthew? You don't think about those things and your friends seem to be more important than us. I'm tired of this and want you to move out - and soon. I've been thinking about this for a while and just think it's time. Today would be great."

His eyes were watery. I knew I was going to come off as the bitch, but it had to be done. I had to keep my ground, and stay strong.

His tears fell as he said, "What? You want me to move out? Now? Really?"

"Yes. I'm sorry; I don't want to hurt you, but I have to think about Matthew and myself. You seemed to stop worrying about us a long time ago," I said sternly. I needed to him to get the point and take me seriously. It wasn't just a whim. "So, I'm taking Matthew to the park while you pack and leave. Take just your personal items and clothes. Do not remove any furniture or things that belong in this apartment. As long as your son lives here, everything will stay."

"So, where am I supposed to go?" he cried.

"I don't know maybe you can stay with your mom." I answered.

I heard the phone ring and thanked heaven that it did. It was perfect timing. I ran over to the phone sitting on the bar.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Are you done?" asked Alice.

_Thank fuck. Boy did she have perfect timing._

"Yeah, just about. I need to get ready. Come over any time, I should be ready in half an hour," I answered.

I turned around to finish my talk with Mike and screeched when he was standing right behind me.

"Um, so I'm going to finish getting ready. Alice is coming over and we're going to the park. I really wish you would make this easy for all of us and pack your stuff and leave. Leave the key on the counter before you go. I'll call you so we can work out a schedule with Matthew," I stated calmly and walked off to the bathroom.

I just hoped the approach I took worked. I didn't want him to cause any trouble, but I knew in reality it was too good to be true.

**~AL~**

"So, how did it go?" Alice asked while we sat on the surprisingly clean park bench. Matthew was climbing up the small stairs to go down the baby slide. He looked so happy and completely oblivious to the fact that I had just kicked his father out of the house.

I looked her in the eyes and said, "I was really nervous that he was going to freak out, but he didn't. Which, now that I think about it, seems worse? But otherwise it went well. I just told him what I needed to and asked him to pack and leave."

Alice looked at me pensively. "Huh. So he just sat there and didn't say anything?"

"Nope. Nothing."

I jumped up to join Matthew on the slide. Every time he reached the bottom, I would scoop him up and tickle him. My Matthew was so precious. Always so well behaved. He was the perfect little boy.

"Alice, can we go over to your house for a bit?" I asked sheepishly.

She jumped up screeching, "Oh yes, that would be perfect. My mom has been asking about Matthew. I'm sure she'll help us keep an eye on him so we can talk."

"Okay, let's go. I need to vent."

As soon as Alice turned the key in the door and swung it open, Esme grabbed me into a tight hug. She was the most incredible woman I had ever met. She worked so hard for an interior design company and still took good care of her kids, home, and husband. I was surprised I didn't put two and two together as soon as I met Edward. He looked just like his mother. Same gorgeous eyes that were as green as the Caribbean ocean. Esme's hair was long and wavy, but light brown like the color of caramel, just like Edward's. Alice looked just like their dad, Carlisle. He had dark black hair that was straight and just naturally went back. I would have to look at him more closely since I knew Edward. I wanted to see what they had in common.

"Hi, Esme. It's so nice to see you," I said, squeezing her back. Then I turned to Matthew who, was squirming his way out of Alice's arms.

"Hey kiddo, come give Esme a big hug." He smiled big and ran straight into her arms. She picked him up and kissed him all over his face.

"Mom, we're going to sit on the back patio and let Matthew run around and play," Alice told Esme as she grabbed Matthew.

"Okay kids. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks Esme. Don't worry about us. Take a load off, you work too much." She laughed shaking her head.

"Alice, have you spoken to Edward at all today?" I asked.

She cleared her throat as she looked around and said, "He, uh. Um, I uh, I called him this morning and told him to explain himself. He pretty much told me to fuck off. But Bella, you must know that he won't talk until he's ready. He is extremely private and stubborn." She was looking around and didn't seem to be too comfortable with the topic. "Honestly, I think there is something going on with them in a bad way. The thing is, he may never say anything about it. He will just do what he needs to. If he thinks he can fix things and be happy, he will stay with her so he doesn't look like a failure. He just has this complex where he doesn't like looking stupid."

I could understand the whole feeling like a failure part. I had struggled with that for over a year. Especially since my dad told me I shouldn't marry Mike, and he didn't even know I was going to marry him. He was just trying to prevent the marriage from ever happening. Charlie was right about Mike, but out of stubbornness, it took me a while to make a decision about my marriage. Stubborn me married him and I was suffering the consequences.

I sighed. "I understand that, Alice. I really do because I don't want to look like a failure either. I just wish he'd known all that before he fucked me. I had always had feelings for him and now I'm just screwed. I mean, I'm glad he told me before we went any further, but this feeling sucks and I hope it doesn't affect our friendship."

Alice grabbed my hands. She was such a compassionate person and really showed when she cared about someone. I was truly lucky to have her as a friend.

"Although I don't know what is going on, I feel like it will be okay. He's an over thinker and once he realizes that Jane is a lost cause it will end. Then, on his own, he'll own up to his feelings for you. I know his feelings are more than he's let on."

I huffed because it was exasperating. "That's the thing; he told me he has feelings for me. It also showed in every kiss and touch. I respect him for wanting to fix his marriage, but I just wish he'd known that and didn't string me along."

**~AL~**

As I drove home, I wondered how I'd gotten myself into that mess. Mike better had moved out, because I couldn't deal with his shit. And Edward had me feeling crazy. He had the potential of bringing me to the highest of highs when things were good and crushing me as he did the night before with his news. Most of all, I needed to talk to him. I missed his voice. I wondered if his little speech meant I couldn't call him anymore.

_Fuck it; I'm calling him as soon as I get home_.

I arrived home and tiptoed inside. I looked around to ensure Mike had really left. Once I was sure he did I was able to relax. I got Matthew settled for bed, and put on his favorite movie of the month, _Fly Away Home. _He loved it when the little girl called the ducks…"Hey hey hey hey."

I settled at the kitchen table so I could have a bit of privacy and still keep an eye on Matthew.

"Hello?" my gorgeous green-eyed monster answered.

"Hey you. Is it okay that I called?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure."

_Okay. Now what?_ "So are you going to talk to me about what happened last night?" I asked, a bit of my frustration evident in my voice.

He sighed heavily as if I was bothering him. "Bella, I made a mistake and got some things wrong. I'm sorry I got you involved. I didn't want to hurt you, but I had to be honest with you. I just need to take care of stuff at home. That's my priority."

"So, I'm supposed to just forget that you fucked me and led me on these past couple of weeks? You didn't know you were "happy" before you took that next step with me? Fuck, I'm hurt and I'm pissed. I never thought you would take that step to just back out," I whined angrily. `

"_Oye, te hablo mañana. Estoy trabajando y ya me llego mi vuelo. _Okay?" he told me he would call me tomorrow because his flight was arriving and he had to go. I forgot he was at work, and didn't want him to get in trouble for not meeting his flight. _Great, so I wasn't getting anywhere tonight_.

"_Bueno, bye._" Suddenly I felt exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep. I turned off the movie and picked up Matthew.

"Come on, little man. It's time for bed.

**~AL~**

_Oye, te hablo mañana. Estoy trabajando y ya me llego mi vuelo. = _Listen, I'll call you tomorrow. I'm working and my flight just came in.

**~AL~**


	4. Seven Year Itch

**~AL~**

**Seven Year Itch**

**November 1995**

**~AL~**

"Hello?" I answered my phone not looking to see who is calling.

"Hey girl, are you sitting down?" asked Alice.

"Um no. What's up?"

"Well, Edward just moved all of his belongings to his friend Peter's house. I guess he moved out, and whatever has been going on with Jane is now officially over. I mean that's what I hear. Don't say anything though until he tells you himself," Alice said quickly almost without taking breath.

_Holy shit, no way. Where did that come from?_

"Okay, do you know why or what happened? I mean, last month he told me he was happy, and now he has moved out. Fuck Alice, I'm so confused," I whined.

Alice sighed and answered, "You know Bella he is a complex man. I don't know all of the details, and until he's ready to talk to someone, no one will. Peter has an extra room and I guess Edward will be living there."

"You work tonight, right?"

"Yes, I do. I start at fourteen-thirty. Will I see you there?" asked Alice.

"I'll be there same time as you. See ya! Oh and Alice, thanks for calling me and letting me know about Edward," I said gratefully.

Alice giggled while saying, "Of course, you know I would do anything for you."

I hung up and thought about that conversation.

**~AL~**

Although, Edward and I did not pursue a romantic relationship our friendship was still strong. Yes, I still loved him, but if the only way I could have him was friendship that had to be enough. Edward started spending his free time at his new house, his best friends house. Peter was a pretty cool guy. He was fun to party with and never had a problem with all of us hanging out at his place. It seemed every weekend, instead of hanging out at the bar, we hung out at their house. He had a pool, and in California that was something you could still use in October and November. Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Edward, and myself would go over there and barbeque and drink. Peter and Edward had another friend, James that would hang with us as well.

Things seemed to be going well between Edward and I, but we never discussed what happened between us and why the change of heart. The only thing I asked him was if it was true that he wasn't with Jane anymore. He confirmed it and ended the conversation there. I hoped that with time he would want to talk to me about her and what happened. Someday I'd have like to know why he turned us off as soon as he turned us on only to end up leaving her anyway.

The past couple of weeks since Mike left things had been good. Actually too good, but I tried not to jinx myself. Things went too easily with Mike, and I worried that it was the calm before the storm. It was just not like him to walk away from something he wanted so easily. I just prayed that things would continue to be okay.

I had to start hinting around to some of my friends that I was looking for a roommate. Rent was too much for me to cover on my own and I asked for two hundred a month from Mike for child support. I honestly didn't want anything from him, but it was his responsibility to pay something. I figured the two hundred would help me with clothes or food for Matthew. I also needed a new car, because the piece of shit Mike left me with was ready to die.

There was a girl that started working with us a few weeks ago and I got to know her a bit. We hadn't hung out socially at all but from what I knew she seemed pretty cool. She lived with her parents in Moreno Valley, which was quite a drive to make daily so I considered her as an option for a roommate. I thought she was about 5 years younger than me but she seemed responsible and I got along with her great so far.

Once I got to work and spotted Edward, I waited until he was done working his flight because I wanted to ask him to go with me to buy a new car.

He spotted me and was now walking toward me.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Bien y tu'?" he replied.

"Tienes planes mañana? Por que quiero que vallas conmigo a ver carros. Do you want to go?" I batted my eyelashes for affect hoping he'd want to go with me.

"Yeah, I'll go."

"Good, thank you. Can we go in the morning so I can pick up Matthew when we're done?" I begged.

He nodded and then asked, "I'll pick you up at eight and we'll get some breakfast and head out. Okay?"

"Muy bien. Que vamos a cenar ahorra?"

"No se. Que quieres?" he asked.

I laughed because it was like that every time. He would never decide what he wanted for dinner and always wanted me to choose. I felt bad since I always chose and I wanted him to decide for once. We would go back and forth until I would finally give up and decide.

"Seriously, I don't know, but I want you to decide today. Let me know when you're on break and you know what I like so I trust your choice." I replied with a cheesy smile.

He nodded again and walked away to work his next flight.

**~AL~**

I needed to get the payloads done for next two hours of flights. When I walked into my little office my new friend Leah was in there.

"Hey girl," I said as I walked in.

She turned around and smiled when she saw me. "Hi, how are you?"

"Good, good thanks. You?"

"Fine. So it looks like we're working together tonight."

We divided the flights for the following two hours and filled out the paperwork. Once the paperwork was done, we figured out who would deliver them to the aircrafts. I usually liked to do the delivering because the exercise was great and kept me in shape. Most of the girls I worked with didn't like it out on the ramp. They complained it was too loud and dirty. It was but it didn't bother me at all. Plus I liked the interaction with the other employees.

I delivered all of the paperwork that was done so far and I went back to my office to rest for a bit before my lunch break. I wanted to ask Leah if she considered moving closer to work.

"Leah?"

"Yup," she answered without even looking up from her paperwork.

"Have you ever thought about moving closer to work? I'm looking for a roommate to live with my son and me, but wanted someone I could trust and got along with," I said.

"I thought about it briefly, but I wanted to make sure I got through probation first. Plus, I don't even know where to start to look for a roommate. I have one more week until my probation is over and if you can wait until then for an answer I'd consider it seriously."

"Of course. Actually, a week is perfect. I'd like to introduce you to Matthew and have you come and see the apartment. That way when you decide you have all the facts. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great. Do you work tomorrow?"

I shook my head no and she continued. "Do you want to meet for dinner?"

"If you don't mind an early dinner then that would be great. I have something to do in the morning and I can meet you at my apartment at three."

"Perfect. Write down your address and phone number and I'll go right after work. This works out perfectly since I get off at two thirty," she said.

I wrote down my information and gave it to her and our plans were set. I had a good feeling about this and wanted the girls to get to know her too. I had a feeling we would all get along perfectly.

I was left alone in the office while Leah went on a break. Edward came in shortly after with food from one of my favorite restaurants. It was Peruvian food and the plate was Saltado de Camaron. It was delicious, and was made with French fries, onions, tomatoes, shrimp, and rice sautéed together. He always did these sweet things for me. He was sweet like that with me, but I never saw him do stuff like that for anyone else.

The comfortable silence was interrupted when he began speaking.

"Would you allow me to take you and Matthew out on Monday to Chuck E Cheese?"

_Huh?_

I tried to contain the huge smile that wanted to break out across my face. I didn't want to seem too eager. I knew where that led me last time.

"You want to take us to Chuck E Cheese on Monday? Really?"

"Yeah, I would like to spend some time with you guys. I haven't seen Matthew since the last time you brought him here to visit," he replied shyly.

"Of course we'll go with you and we would like to spend time with you too."

_Geez Bella, why don't you just jump him now and get it over with. A bit anxious are we?_

"Thanks for dinner. It was delicious as always and the surprise was nice, too," I said.

**~AL~**

I rolled over and tapped the alarm clock. I opened one eye and saw that it was six-thirty. I needed to get up since Edward was going to pick me up at eight. I decided I wanted a_Honda _since it was a reliable car and I could afford it.

I got up and got ready just in time for Edward to knock on the door.

"Good morning," I said.

He replied, "Morning." He was definitely not a morning person. Hopefully by the time we got to the restaurant he would be awake and his chipper self.

I climbed into his car after I locked up the apartment. "Where do you want to eat?" I looked at him as he started the car and began driving.

"I was thinking that deli around the corner. I was craving lox and bagels," he said.

"Mmmm, yum! That sounds great. Good choice. I could really use some coffee, too," I commented.

When we got to the restaurant, it was fairly packed with all of the old folks that went there every single morning. It was like their social meeting place. The owner was always working and greeting the customers. She was a Jewish woman from New York. She had a way with the customers and I personally loved her accent. It always reminded me of home even thought the New York accent was different than the Boston accent. It still had some similarities.

She remembered all of her customers and I had been there several times with Charlie and Sue. As soon as she saw me she said hi and took us to a table right away.

I introduced her to Edward.

"Edward this is Vicky. Vicky this is Edward," I said to them both.

I saw when Vicky gave me a 'you go girl' kind of smirk and I wanted to tell her that there was no going anywhere. Instead I just ignored the implication. Vicky was probably in her early forties and was a bit heavy set. She had the most vibrant red, frizzy hair that was about shoulder length. I really like her she was always made everyone feel special.

"Nice to meet you Edward," she said with a big smile.

"You, too," replied Edward.

"Well you two enjoy your breakfast and your waitress will be with you shortly. I need to get back to work," she said as she walked away.

"So are you going to have the lox? I want that, too," I asked.

He nodded. Shortly after the waitress came and took our orders and we got our coffee.

"So do you know what kind of car you want to look at?" Edward asked me.

"Yeah, I was thinking a _Honda _wagon. What do you think?"

"That is a nice car and it would be perfect for you and Matthew," he commented.

The rest of our breakfast was quiet while we ate. As we headed to the dealership I felt Edward touch the back of my hand lightly as it laid on the edge of my seat. His palm rested on the stick shift and he moved his fingers softly back and forth over my hand. I was shocked with the sudden affection and didn't want to call attention to it. I was too afraid he would stop. So I just sat there and reveled in the feeling of his skin touching mine in such an innocent but meaningful way.

It was times like that I didn't know what he was trying to do or say. I didn't want to assume that for him it meant more than just friendship, but I hoped it did. I loved his touches. He was always so gentle with me. The confusion just grew and grew and I figured that when he figured out what he was doing he would share it with me. In the meantime, I would just enjoy what he gave me.

When we got to the dealership and walked into the show room to look for a sales person I passed the car I wanted.

"Hey, that's the car I want. The white one," I whispered because I didn't want the sales people to hear me. I knew that if they did they'd pounce.

We wheeled and dealed and I walked or rather drove away with a brand new _Honda Accord wagon_. My first brand new car and it smelled great.

Edward said he would follow me home so he could check it out some more and then he needed to get to work. We pulled up in front of my apartment building and he wanted to take it for a drive. We took a spin around the block and he told me how much he liked it for me. We said bye with promises of calling each other later.

I went inside the house to call Mike to let him know that I wanted to pick up Matthew. Before I could pick up the phone, it started to ring.

"Hello?"

"Um, does Mike drive a yellow bug?" Edward asked.

"Oh, hi. Yeah, why?"

"Well, as I drove from your street he began following me. I think he was hiding out in the _Seven-Eleven _parking lot across from your apartment," Edward said rather calmly. I on the other hand was furious.

"Fuck! I'll call you right back," I told him and hung up.

I dialed Mike's cell phone and prayed he would answer.

He picked up after the first ring.

"Yeah?" he said.

"What the fuck? Where is Matthew and where are you right now? You better not be following my friend!" I screamed.

"Who is he? Is that why you kicked me out so you could hook up with someone else?"

"I kicked you out because I don't love you anymore. At. All. And whom I associate with now is not your fucking business. Now where is my son?" I was furious. I was so angry I almost popped a fucking vein in my head.

"He's with my mom. Calm down. I'm not going to do anything. I just wanted to fuck with him for a bit," he laughed.

"This is not fucking funny. God, you are so immature. Stay out of my personal life. I'm going to get Matthew while you stop following my friends or I'm gonna call the fucking cops on your ass!"

"Yeah, whatever!" Then I heard him hang up.

_What a fucking asshole! He best not fuck with me._

I jumped in my car, drove around the block to his mother's apartment, and picked up Matthew. I knew I'd feel better once I had my baby in my arms.

**~AL~**


	5. I Just Want to Make Love to You

**~AL~**

**I Just Want to Make Love to You**

**November 1995**

**~AL~**

I calmed down after the incident with Mike and just needed to concentrate with my goal. I really needed Leah and Matthew to hit if off so she'd move in. I didn't know how much longer I could afford to live on my own.

I took them to my favorite Mexican restaurant, _Paco's Tacos,_ and it was the best food ever. I sat down and decided I needed one of their delicious margaritas to relieve some stress.

"I think I'm going to order a margarita. Do you want one?" I asked.

"Umm. Sure, why not? One will be fine since we're eating," she replied.

My favorite waiter just walked up to take our order.

"_Hola, Chato como estás_"

"_Bien, bien Bella y tú_?" Chato always pronounced my name like Beya, which means beautiful in Spanish.

"_Bien gracias, oye queremos empezar con dos margaritas de fresa, por favor. Oh y una Sprite para Matthew_," I asked. Don't laugh at my perfect Spanglish.

"_Muy bien, ahorita vengo_," said Chato as he walked away.

The three of us sat at dinner for the next two hours talking and getting to know each other better. Matthew and Leah hit it off really well. He spoke to her in his Spanish baby talk and she listened attentively. It made me feel much more comfortable with my decision in asking her to be my roommate.

She told me she would give me her decision the moment she passed probation. I was anxious and hoped it worked out for us.

**~AL~**

I went home that night and snuggled with Matthew for a bit on the sofa while he rubbed my ear and we watched television. I loved moments like this with him. He was always so cuddly and loving.

I must have fallen asleep, because next thing I knew, I was talking on the phone.

That happens a lot. I could have a full conversation with someone while I was asleep and not even know it.

"Hello." I said groggily trying to clear my sleep infested brain.

"_Amorcito_?" Edward asked. I looked to the left, to the right, and finally I looked at the phone. _Was he talking to me?_ I did an inner squeal, because he just called me love. Now that woke me up.

"Yes, Edward. What can I do for you?" He had me acting silly.

"_Nada, estaba pensando en ti y te quería saludar,"_ he admitted.

"Um, okay. I miss you too. Thanks for going with me to get my car today, and for breakfast. Matthew and I enjoyed your company," I blurted out.

He chuckled and answered, "You're welcome. What are you doing now?"

"Um, I am lying here with Matthew watching television, but I guess we fell asleep right before you called."

"Oh, do you want me to let you go and we can talk tomorrow?"

I yawned and told him that was fine and that we would speak in the morning.

I got Matthew into his pajamas as I tried not to wake him up and put him in his bed.

Then I got myself ready and climbed into my bed as well. I was exhausted, but could not sleep and all I did was think about Edward and how much I loved him. I had to wonder what his intentions were this time around since Jane was officially out of his life now. At least that is what he had said anyway.

The past few days he had been showing me more affection than he had since before he rejected me the first time. Trusting him was most likely not the smartest thing to do, but when you loved someone, as much as I did, you would put yourself out there as well. If things worked out between us, it would be worth the bit of agony I felt for a while.

The next few weeks passed quickly and Leah passed probation and agreed to move in, which took a huge load off. She had asked to move in this coming Saturday, which was only four days away.

The other big news was Edward and I had been spending a lot of innocent time together. We would hang out at his house and swim in his pool with Matthew or he would come to our house to watch a movie. We hadn't kissed or moved any further physically, but I was happy to have his company. He truly was an all around wonderful person. He was so full of intelligence, wit, and kindness. Not to mention he was the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on. He did not have one single flaw to deflect from that beauty. You know when someone is so beautiful, but they open their mouth and they just turn into the most unattractive person ever. Well, that does not apply to Edward he was flawless.

Edward finally asked me on an official date and I was so nervous. Our date was Friday night and I wondered if he would spend the night. He hadn't told me where we were going or what we were going to do, but it didn't matter; I would follow him anywhere. Mike was taking Matthew to his mother's for the weekend and thank goodness, things were quiet on that front again.

**~AL~**

I was getting ready for my date with Edward. I decided on some nice jeans, a pretty, teal-colored blouse and my four-inch heals to match the blouse. He didn't tell me where we were going, but I figured if it were a fancy place, he would have told me so. It was six o'clock and Edward was supposed to pick me up at seven-thirty. I was so hopeful that this would be a new beginning for us, and I tried to think positively that things would go well.

Seven-fifteen rolled around and I heard a knock on the door. I had been ready for over an hour already, so I was happy he was here. I ran to the door and it swung open so fast it hit the wall. I had a huge, cheesy smile on my face and when I looked at Edward standing there, he looked happy, too.

"Hi, you look beautiful." He laughed.

I'm not insulted he laughed, because I would have too. I was staring and I was having a hard time snapping out of it. That was until he asked me if he could come in.

_Yeah, hello dumb ass!_

"Oh my God, Edward, I am so sorry. Please, come in," I rambled quickly and I blushed ten shades of red.

He was still laughing. I just sighed and I didn't care since he looked like pure heaven. He was wearing some nice slip-on shiny, black leather shoes, nice ass jeans, and a light blue button-down shirt. Absolutely. Delicious.

"Do you want a beer before we go?" I asked.

He looked at his watch and said no, because we had reservations and if we didn't leave we'd be late.

So, he led the way out of the house and I locked up. He opened the car door for me and ran around to his side then slid inside.

We did a bunch of small talk while he drove and I noticed we were going to the Hollywood area.

"Edward, can you tell me where we are going now?" I asked.

He shook his head and just told me to be patient. We drove for a little while longer and then we pulled up to the valet in the parking lot of a fancy looking Mexican restaurant. I noticed the sign that displayed the name of the restaurant, _The Gardens of Taxco._

Edward jumped out of the car and ran to my side to help me out. He began to explain that this restaurant specialized in food specifically from Mexico City.

Once we got inside, he told the hostess his name and she seated us. The atmosphere was romantic as it was dimly lit and there were two guys walking around with guitars taking requests to sing at each table. They sang really well and I hoped I would get a chance to request a song.

We settled in and ordered drinks. While we were waiting, I looked at the menu and Edward began to explain that we would be served a six-course meal, but we had to choose our entrée. I chose _Shrimp in Mole Poblano_ and Edward chose the _Carne Asada._

We sat close in our small booth and talked while we ate. The singers came by and I asked Edward to request 'No Se Tu' by Luis Miguel_._ He did and they sang a short version of it and it was great. I was having a great time and I hoped Edward was too.

A couple of hours later, we were finished and Edward asked if I wanted to go dancing at the _Mayan._ Normally I would have jumped at the offer, but I really just wanted to spend some alone time with him. So I asked him if we could just go back to my place.

On our drive home I started to feel nervous. I didn't think I had a reason to be since we had been together before, but this time it was different. We were both single for all intents and purposes and free to be together. I hoped he would stay over and figured we could watch a movie for a while to wind down.

I reached over to hold Edward's hand and he gladly accepted. He rubbed my fingers and I realized I still felt that electric current whenever he touched me. I felt such a connection with him that I had never felt with anyone before.

Before I knew it, we arrived at my house and once again the gentleman that he was he opened my door.

Once we got inside, I excused myself to get comfortable. I changed into a pair of summer pajama bottoms and a tank top sans undergarments. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth to freshen up a bit.

When I got back to the living room, Edward was just waiting for me on the sofa, looking mighty fine. I offered him a beer and he accepted.

I looked at him and said, "Look for a movie." Then I pointed to the cabinet that had all of the movies in it.

He chose _Top Gun_ then proceeded to tell me it was his favorite movie, and how he had a crush on Kelly McGillis_. _He was acting a bit shy and looked much too cute for his own good.

We were snuggled together on the sofa watching the movie and I was rubbing small circles on his hand and forearm. My head was on his chest and he had his arm around me. At one point, I looked up at his face and he was looking down at me. I looked down quickly and blushed at getting caught sneaking a peak at him. He quickly lifted my chin back up and looked into my eyes then at my lips, which made me lick them. Next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine and we were kissing, and it was delicious. God, could he kiss!

We were making out like teenagers and I climbed onto his lap, straddling him. His hands went directly to my ass and he squeezed a bit. I placed my hands on his face and then moved them down towards his neck and finally to the nape of his neck. I ran my fingers through his hair and it was so soft.

Edward ran his fingers lightly up my back under my shirt. The soft sensation of his touch sent a shiver down my spine. As his hands went up, he lifted my shirt and I crossed my arms, grabbing the tank top to pull it off. Once I had my shirt off me, I began taking his off. He leaned forward, and helped me pull it off him. My hands instantly went to his glorious chest. I ran my fingers over his pecks and my thumbs skimmed his nipples, causing them to pucker instantly.

He pulled me close to him and began kissing me from my jaw, down my neck then to my clavicle and finally he pushed me back a bit so he could lick my left nipple. I adjusted myself on his lap a bit so I could feel his bulge. I began to rock over it desperate to get some sort of friction. God, it was warm, and I was panting as if I had just run a marathon. I pulled back and began to stand up and he snapped his head up while his eyes were questioning.

I grabbed his hand and led him to my bedroom. I didn't want to do this in the living room again. When we got to my room, I pulled off my pants and climbed onto my bed. I heard him gasp because I didn't have any underwear on. While I sat on the bed, waiting for him, he quickly removed his pants and socks. His beautiful cock sprung up and slapped his stomach. I couldn't stop staring and when I finally looked up, it was with impatience. He was smirking because he knew I like what I saw. I finally pulled on his arm and onto the bed. I straddled him again and I guess he wanted to be in control because he quickly flipped us.

He began by kissing me and then made his way slowly down my body. I felt anxious and needed more as he was still kissing around my hips bones. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, grabbed his head by his hair, and just pushed him down between my legs. He started laughing and I didn't find anything funny about the ache I felt there. I wrapped my legs around his torso and kept my hands on his head. He licked and sucked and I was so worked up already, all it took was him biting and pulling on my clit to throw me over the edge. He hovered over me while I came down from my orgasm and slid right into me. Home. That was all I could think of at that moment, well that and how good he felt. We kissed and touched while we moved in ecstasy together. He was grunting and moaning until he finally came inside me. He collapsed on top of me and I loved feeling his weight covering me.

**~AL~**

We must have fallen asleep because I thought I heard a tapping noise. I must have been dreaming but the sound wouldn't stop. I finally opened my eyes to try and figure out what was going on. I saw Edward curled up next to me with his arm around my torso.

I heard the tap again and realized it was coming from my bedroom window. _What in the world could that be? _I got up and through my pajama bottoms on and got a t-shirt from the dresser. I walked to the window to look and out and the last person I wanted to see right then was standing there, Mike. There was no way I was opening the window so I just asked what he wanted. He told me he left his asthma medicine here and needed it. I told him to come back in the morning because I was sleeping and he kept coughing and said he was having an attack and needed it. I told him to meet me at the door.

I whispered to Edward that Mike was outside and wanted his medicine. He got up and put his pants on. I went to the bathroom medicine cabinet and got his stupid medicine. When I got to the door, I opened it but the security door was still closed and locked. I contemplated for a second how this would go. I figured I open it a bit give him the medicine and then close the door again. I tried that and as soon as I opened the screen door, he pulled on it and began pushing his way into the house. I grabbed onto the doorframe trying to keep him out but he was just too strong.

He was able to remove my hands from the doorframe and push me all the way inside. I smelt alcohol on him instantly and knew this wasn't good. Drunk Mike was an aggressive Mike. He kept pushing me back and I decided I needed to keep him out so I struggled and tried to push him back. I punched, scratched, and pushed and although it kept him back a bit, he was able to get in more and more. During this whole interaction, I was screaming and asking him what he wanted.

"What the fuck, Bella? Who is here? I know that guy is here. Where is he? Is he in my bed? Did you fuck him?"

That was it he had no right! He couldn't just barge in here demanding to know what I did and whom I had over. Bullshit!

"That is none of your fucking business. In case you have forgotten, we are not together anymore and what I do with my life is not your business. Get the fuck out!" I screamed. I was shaking from nerves and anger.

No matter how much I tried to get him to back out of there, but he was able to press forward and he backed me right into my bedroom.

Edward was in there waiting and he looked torn. Mike pulled me off him and went straight over to Edward. He punched Edward right in the face and I jumped on Mike's back. Edward just stood there with his jaw clenching and his hands fisted.

"Mike stop! I'm calling the cops!"

"Hey, listen I'm not going to fight you. You don't live here anymore and have no say in what Bella does. Just think for a minute, you're just making things worse for yourself," Edward said calmly.

_How the fuck was he so calm?_

I had the phone up to my ear and heard someone on the other end asking me questions. I began to explain the situation and they said they were sending someone over right away. The police station was close, so that was a good thing.

Mike was still yelling and trying to get Edward to react, but the cops arrived and let themselves in since the door was still wide open. I ran over to them and began to tell them what happened.

They took all of our statements and told me they were taking Mike in for assault and he was completely intoxicated. A female officer looked me over for injuries and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. They looked over Edward as well and since the lights were on, I saw he had a big black eye. _Shit!_ That was entirely all my fault.

I dragged him into this fucking _Jerry Springer _situation. That was really going to help our relationship along. I snorted to myself.

Once the police left, I didn't know what to do. I felt uncomfortable and I was sure Edward would want to leave. It was two-thirty in the morning and I just wanted to go back to sleep. So I turned to look at him and asked him to go back to bed. He nodded and grabbed my hand.

**~AL~**

While we were lying in bed, I could hear Edward start to say something and then he would just stop. He did it a couple of times until I finally asked him what was wrong.

He sighed and said, "Bella, I was torn. I wanted to kick Mike's ass not only for coming in here and forcing his way in, but for pushing you around. I just couldn't because all I could think about was that if God willing I'm still around when Matthew is old enough I don't want Mike to ever have anything to use against me. I love you and Matthew so much and I don't ever want to ruin the way he sees me. Mike is his father and I will never be able to compete with that, but if Mike were ever able to say that I hurt him in any way, Matthew would just hate me. I can't have that because I want to be a part of your lives forever."

_What did he just say?_

_He loved me?_

_He loves us!_

_He loves me!_

"What? You… you love me? You love us? You love me?"

He chuckled, grabbed me to his chest, and hugged me tightly.

"I do, and I guess I just told you, huh?" he replied while peppering kisses all over my face.

"And you want to be with us forever? I mean… how… when?" I couldn't complete a thought. I just had so many things running through my mind.

"Yes, Bella. We have a lot of things to talk about and I want to tell you everything, but it's late and we should go to sleep."

I burrowed myself into his embrace and fell back to sleep. I dreamt of what my life would finally be like with Edward in it. I couldn't believe he told me he loved me. Then I remembered I didn't tell him how much I loved him.

"Edward, I love you, too," I whispered.

**~AL~**


	6. Heart of a Woman

**~AL~**

**Heart of a Woman**

**~AL~**

**November 1995**

**~AL~**

I rolled over and found the bed empty and cold. Groggily, I got out of bed and made my morning trip to the bathroom before searching the house for Edward.

I hoped he didn't leave because that would have sucked. When I reached the living room I found him laying on the sofa, face up, and stiff as a board. He had his arms crossed over his chest and looked almost dead. It was frightening.

"Edward! Psst… Edward, wake up." I shook him a bit and he sat straight up. I jumped back a mile. "Hey, don't do that. You scared the shit out of me." I laughed nervously.

I watched him take in his surroundings. He was white as a sheet, which was a feat for him since he was so dark from working in the sun. He still hadn't looked at me and I wondered what was wrong.

"Edward, what's going on? You don't look so good."

He looked up at me finally and relaxed as he sagged into the sofa.

He shook his head back and forth almost like he was having an internal conversation. "You have a ghost. She scared the shit out of me, Bella." I laughed, as I bent over holding my stomach.

"_Que_? I'm not kidding. Don't laugh at me," he scoffed. He was pissed, which made it even funnier to me.

"I know I have a ghost, just never seen it before. But wait, you saw _her_? It's a girl?"

"Yeah, she stood there in a white nightgown, just watching me while I slept. I was so scared, I couldn't move. I just stayed here praying she wouldn't kill me." He pointed right in front of him to a spot in the middle of the room, right next to me.

I was still chuckling because I found it hilarious, he was so scared. The truth was I had felt a ghost in my apartment many times, and she did stuff for me around here. If I left a light on, she'd turn it off. I actually liked having her around. However, I was upset that he got to see her and she'd never shown herself to me.

"Stop being such a pussy, she won't do anything to you; she's nice," I joked.

He shot back quickly, "Fuck you," he shot back quickly, before laughing and standing to hug and kiss me.

"So how about I make us some breakfast, and we can talk about the things you said you would explain to me." I looked at him hoping he still wanted to tell me what had been going on. He nodded and walked off to the bathroom.

**~AL~**

We sat at my small kitchen table while sipping coffee and eating the bacon and eggs that I made. I sat silently waiting for him to start explaining.

Finally, after his last bite of food, he washed it down with a sip of coffee, and looked up at me with an odd expression. "Look, I know you think I'm this crazy person who gave you whiplash, but…" He looked down again steeling himself to continue.

I wondered what was so difficult for him to say. I reached for his hand. "You can tell me anything. I won't judge. I just want to know. I think you owe me that much, no?"

His jaw clenched and unclenched until he continued. "Jane and I had been going through some really tough times. Deal-breaker type stuff. It all blindsided me and I didn't know how to handle it. So that's what I had planned on happening." He rubbed his fingers over the table in small lines, like he was rubbing something off it.

"Then I met you, believing my marriage was over, and I fell for you instantly. And we grew closer as friends–we clicked. I wanted to pursue a relationship with you." He fidgeted anxiously and scrubbed his face with his hands.

"Even though I was still living with Jane and married, it didn't matter because we were in agreement that it was over. We just had to settle things until we found places to live and would eventually file for divorce." He cleared his throat. "But then she came home from work one day and begged, cried, and pleaded for us to work it out. I felt bad and she is my wife, so I felt like I had to give it one more shot." He shrugged.

"I thought it would be different and we could be better. Then I thought about you, and I was crushed. And since things changed at home I didn't want to lead you on; that's why I told you what I did. I'm sorry, it was wrong. I should have told you the truth, but I was embarrassed that I was backing out of … us." His hand motioned back and forth between us. His brows began to crease together in frustration.

"Things just weren't the same and I couldn't stay. I packed up my shit and moved in with Peter."

I looked down at the table and found myself an interesting knot in the wood to rub. "I don't know what happened between you two. Are you going to tell me?"

His eyes closed tightly and he shook his head. "No, I can't. Not yet."

"I don't understand why there are secrets between us already. It's so hard to get you to talk about personal feelings type stuff. It's just weird."

His teeth clenched again and ground out, "I just can't yet."

I took a deep breath and blew it out in a gush. "Whatever. So what does this all mean for us?"

This time he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "It means that I'll be filing for a divorce and I want a relationship with you." His emerald eyes met mine. "Do you want to be with me?"

"I do, but I don't want to go back and forth with this again. I mean if we're going to do this, we need to commit."

Hurt filled his eyes. He knew I was calling him out, and although I understood his marriage was his priority, I also knew that he should have waited to initiate something with me before he was at least separated.

My situation was different. Regardless of what Mike had said to me, fell on deaf ears. I was not in love with him anymore and it was mean of me to lead him on that way. I had to let him go. Was I selfish? Yes. I wanted him there to help with Matthew so I could work without worrying about picking him up at a certain time or shuffling him around.

"I had to give it one more shot, Bella, but there's no going back now. I'm done with that and ready for a fresh start." A sly smirk graced his face and his eyes sparkled. He truly was beautiful.

I wondered for a brief moment if it was a good idea for us to enter into another commitment so quickly after ending one. But when I looked into his eyes, I couldn't help but want him. I needed him.

**~AL~**

Nothing really changed between Edward and I. We still hung out at work. We didn't tell people we were together, except for our four closest friends, and we spent most of our free time together. That was pretty much how it was before. The only difference was we were acting like a couple: holding hands, kissing, snuggling, and sleeping together.

He showed me in all of his actions the amount of kindness he had in his soul. He showered me with love with all of the things he did for me. He truly was a beautiful person inside and out.

One night, I was working and not feeling well. I was cramping really bad, and he called me to see how I was, not knowing I was feeling sick. When I answered the phone in my office, he noticed right away the change in my voice.

"_Amorcito_, what's wrong?" he asked in a panic.

"I don't know. I keep getting these really sharp pains like I have cramps, but they're much worse. I can barely move and I feel faint." I wanted to cry, the pain was so bad.

I laid my head on the desk while talking to him.

"Why don't you go home?" he asked.

"I can't. I'm the only one here tonight. Derek called out sick." It sucked. I had to stay even though I was sick and had to do double the work. Life wasn't fair.

"Well, if you're not better by tomorrow morning I'm coming over to take you to Emergency Room. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. I've gotta let you go. I have too much to do and I just want this night to end. I'll call you in the morning." We hung up and I rested for a while longer until I had to get up and walk the payloads out to the aircrafts.

I was miserable. The pain shot through me in spurts and it felt like the worst period of my life was coming on.

I went home that night and got ready for bed. I noticed I was spotting a bit and was relieved. I hoped the sooner my period came, the sooner the pain would go away.

It was wishful thinking because when I woke up the next morning at five-thirty with cramps so bad I was sweating, I knew something was very wrong. I went to the bathroom only to discover the bleeding was much too heavy.

I didn't know what to do, so I called Edward.

I was crying from the pain, and even with my high tolerance for pain, I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Edward came right away, pulled out some sweat pants and a sweatshirt for me to put on, and took me to the hospital.

He drove me to Freeman Medical Center in Marina Del Rey. He carried me the few feet into the ER and signed me in.

I hated emergency rooms because they were always so crowded and the wait was too long. However, that morning I was lucky it was quite empty.

After the ton of paperwork was filled out, I waited for my name to be called. Edward held me on his lap and cradled me.

Wooden chairs with thin blue cushions scattered the room. The walls were a stark white with grey linoleum flooring. It was freezing in there. The air conditioning was gusting out of the vents like a hurricane. I buried myself even further into Edward hoping he could keep me warm.

We waited a half an hour until my name was called and Edward reluctantly set me down on the floor. I stood at half height, as I was hunched over from the pain and seriously afraid to move fearing a sudden gush of blood to cause a leak.

I walked toward the nurse and noticed Edward wasn't following. So I questioned him with my eyes and he followed along.

The nurse smiled and asked us to follow her to our room. It was more of big room with beds lined up on two walls. Curtains hung between the beds to give the patients privacy. All I wanted was to curl up on one of those awful beds.

"Here's a gown; please put it on and I'll be right back." She handed it to me and walked out of the curtained area.

I asked Edward to help me. After he did so, he sat silently on the other side of the bed in a visitor's chair.

The nurse came back in and rattled off some questions, and I gave answers along with my symptoms. She took my temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen level.

"Oh, you have a fever of one hundred and one point nine," the nurse said quietly, as she jotted everything down.

I nodded and asked if I could lie down. I was feeling very faint and couldn't stay sitting up any longer.

"Sure, dear. the doctor will be with you shortly." She exited my room and left us alone.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked with worry in his voice. He gently held my hand while he rubbed my thigh in soothing strokes.

"I'm in pain and very dizzy. It's getting worse and it shouldn't be." He looked scared, and I felt bad for dragging him there with me, but I needed him.

"Knock, knock," said a male voice.

"Come in," I croaked out barely able to speak.

"Hi, how are you today? I'm Doctor Crowley." He was much too cheerful for me in that moment.

"I'm not doing so good." I turned to face him a bit but remained lying down.

"So what brings you here today?" I don't know why they ask that after I've already told the check-in lady and the nurse that brought me back there, but they always seemed to make you repeat yourself a million times. I sighed in frustration because my tolerance was nonexistent given the circumstances.

"Let's see … I started cramping last night with some spotting, and this morning the pain was worse accompanied by heavy bleeding. The nurse said I have a fever, and I feel very faint." There, I gave him the gist of it all.

He looked over at Edward and then back at me.

"Okay, when was your last menstrual cycle?"

"Umm …" I looked at Edward for help, but he wouldn't have known. Then I looked at the curtain and began to count backward until August. _August? Oh no!_

I flashed Edward a look and then looked at the doctor apprehensively. "I think it was the end of August beginning of September. I'm not sure because I don't write it down."

That time I flashed Edward an apprehensive look to see if he caught on, and I assumed he did, as he was white as a ghost with beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Well, I'm going to order some blood tests and an ultrasound. I'll be right back, okay?" And with that, he scurried out of the room.

I laid there staring at the ceiling as the reality of what was happening to me set in.

Edward suddenly leaned over me and kissed my lips and my eyes, and I felt the tears run down into my ears. "It'll be okay. Don't worry. We'll get through this."

I just wasn't sure how we'd get through it. I didn't know what to think. It was all very overwhelming and confusing to me.

If I was pregnant all that time … how did I not know?

My tears flowed into my hair like rushing rivers, and I was mad that my pain and anger couldn't flow out with them.

Edward just held on to me the best he could and laid his head next to mine while he caressed my cheek with his long fingers.

I had no idea how long it took for the nurse to come in with the blood kit; she did her thing quickly and efficiently and left. Very few words were exchanged and for that I was relieved. I didn't want to speak. I was at a loss for words and afraid that if I opened my mouth the gut-wrenching sobs fighting for release inside me would win.

I had to numb myself and tamp down my emotions, because I didn't want to freak out before I knew the results. But something deep down inside me knew what it meant. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw to push it all back down.

Edward and I lay still so long we didn't realize how much time passed. The numbness took over, and I felt drained and lifeless.

I heard squeaky wheels roll toward us before Dr. Crowley and the nurse entered our hellhole. The nurse positioned the ultrasound machine next to the bed and began to set it up, as Dr. Crowley looked at his clipboard. I glanced at the clock only to realize we'd been there for over two hours already.

Dr. Crowley sat on a stool next to my bed. He looked at me with compassion and what seemed like pity. "We have the blood results back, but I'd like to run the ultrasound before I give you both a diagnosis. Okay?"

He asked me to lower the blanket below my waist and raise the gown above my belly. Then he warned me about the temperature of the blue gel he squirted on my stomach. I flinched because even with the warning my body still reacted to the cold.

I tilted my head a bit and watched the screen as the doctor turned it on and got the wand ready. He pushed the rounded tip into my abdomen and began moving it around slowly. I watched him as he watched the screen. I wanted to see his reactions, but he gave nothing away. His face was blank, and I had no idea what he was going to tell us.

He swirled the wand around a few more times and flicked a few switches before he placed the wand back on the machine. The nurse took over and began cleaning it up after she handed me a paper towel to wipe the gel off.

I was anxious to know my fate regardless of the outcome. I was afraid, but I steeled myself as I put on a brave face.

"Well, Mrs. Newton you were pregnant but have miscarried. The hCG levels were lower than normal, and we did not find a heartbeat with the ultrasound. We'll need to perform a D & C, as the miscarriage was not complete. Do you have any questions?"

I shook my head because I had heard of a D&C before and knew what it was. I stayed completely still, afraid to move a muscle. Edward followed my lead and said he didn't have any questions either.

"Okay, you'll be moved to a more private room, and I'll be performing your procedure and then give you aftercare instructions." Dr. Crowley gave us sympathetic looks and turned to leave.

The nurse grabbed her cart and said, "The orderlies will be here soon. We need to set up a room for you, okay?" She patted my leg and took her cart with her as she left.

The ceiling had perforated acoustic tiles. They were small squares, and I tried to count them without moving my head. There were just too many. I figured if I kept my mind on mundane things, I wouldn't lose it. It was too difficult to stay there in that place and time without completely crumbling.

"Baby, look at me. Please, I don't want you to lose yourself. Look at me, and let's do this together," he pleaded, and I heard his voice crack from the pain.

His lips barely skimmed my cheek as he spoke. I felt his sweet breath slide across my face and the smell of it touched my nose.

I tilted my head just a tiny bit so my eyes could connect with his. We had never discussed far into our future, so I didn't know if he wanted kids or his thoughts on them. We had just been enjoying our newfound relationship and relishing in the delight of being together without obstacles.

I didn't know what was going to happen from then forward, but at least Edward expressed his wanting to do it together. I was going to need him more than ever.

His eyes were wet; small puddles of tears brimmed his bottom lashes. The lines on his forehead were creased, and his nose was red. He was hurting too.

I turned my head even further so I could look him straight in the eyes. I felt my face scrunch up readying itself for the sob that I had been holding the past few hours.

As soon as I began to speak, I knew it was going to release, and boy, did it. "I … I … I'm … s … s … so … s … sor … ry," I wailed.

"No, no … don't do that. Don't apologize. It's not your fault, baby! Please!" He begged me to stop but I couldn't. The floodgates were already open and my pain was flowing out. His pain was watching me fall apart.

Edward caressed and kissed every inch of my face. He whispered soothing sounds and words that weren't loud enough to understand. His love and support poured out of his very essence, and I knew that perhaps not soon, but eventually, we would heal from that horrible, unexpected heartache.

**~AL~**


	7. Don't Cry Baby

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters are the property of the author. **

**~AL~**

**Don't Cry Baby**

**November 1995**

**~AL~**

I had to pick up Matthew, but unfortunately, I was stuck in the hospital for a while longer. The doctor couldn't tell us why I miscarried, but after he asked what I did for a living; he thought I might have strained myself. I walked up and down the aircraft stairs all night. I thought about that and figured the stress I had suffered lately couldn't have helped either.

Against my better judgment, I called my mother-in-law's house to let her know I'd be late to pick him up. In no uncertain terms did I want Mike or any of his family to get whiff of what happened to me. I told her that I woke up feeling really sick and had to go to the hospital.

As soon as I was released, I'd go to get Matthew. All I wanted to do was snuggle with him all afternoon.

My cellphone rang.

"Hello?" I sounded groggy.

"Hey, it's Leah. Were you sleeping?"

"No, just not feeling well. What's up?"

"Oh, well, since I had to postpone my move until next weekend, I was wondering if everyday this week on my way to work I could drop off some stuff at the house."

"Of course you can. I gave you the key and your room is all cleared out and ready for you." I cleared my throat a bit; it was too hoarse. "Go anytime. I'll be home in a bit."

"All right, sounds good. I hope you feel better."

"Bye," I said and then hung up.

I looked at Edward. "That was Leah. She's going to drop some of her stuff at the house today." He just nodded.

"They said I'd be released soon. What's taking them so long? I want to get Matthew and go home." I pouted. I was drained emotionally and physically. I was completely drained of energy and couldn't find enough to cry any longer.

"I'll drop you at home to get your car so you can pick him up then I'll go get your meds. Okay?" His eyes were so sad. I hated that I put that sadness there and that I was part of the reason he was hurting. He closed his eyes so tightly when I caressed his cheek.

"Yeah, thanks. Then I just want to sleep. Matthew's good, he'll just watch a movie and relax with me. Maybe … you can stop and get us some food, so I don't have to worry about fixing something for dinner."

He kissed my forehead. "Of course."

**~AL~**

Once I was home and snuggled with Matthew on the sofa so we could watch his favorite Batman movies, I was relieved. I was content to be home with my son and able to get my bearings.

So much had happened, things that were not expected. I was on the pill, and Edward used a condom. I didn't expect to fall in love so quickly. The stress I got in return for loving him wasn't what I hoped for.

Life was so full of twists and turns. The worst part was Edward and I had been through so many already. I hoped we could get through them all and survive.

**~AL~**

I didn't have to go back to work until Wednesday, which was good because I needed the rest. Matthew and I lounged, and Edward stopped by briefly on Tuesday to feed us and say hello.

He was being very attentive and sweet. I wondered how long that behavior was going to last. _Always the pessimist._

Leah had dropped off more boxes. We were getting ready for her to move her bed and dresser in on Saturday. Even though the purpose of her moving in was to help me with the rent, I was excited to have someone here with us.

I would have never thought about asking Edward. It was too soon and with the way things had been going … I wasn't going to put myself in that situation.

Thanksgiving was the next day, and Matthew and I were going to my dad's house. His wife was cooking dinner this year, and although we got along well, she was very meticulous and proper. I had to keep Matthew practically tied to my side because their house was like a show home. If Matthew moved the wrong way, he was prone to break something, and all hell would break loose.

So, we had to sit like statues and pretend we were enjoying ourselves. I'd have rather been with Edward. Although he told me his mom didn't cook Thanksgiving dinner since they didn't really celebrate it. I'd have to change that next year.

I was still cramping, extremely emotional, and I knew that if Sue, my dad's wife, said something that rubbed me the wrong way, I'd snap. So, I had to mentally prepare for that.

**~AL~**

Matthew and I arrived at my dad's house at one o'clock. I had a Costco-made pumpkin pie in one hand and some eggnog in the other.

"Come on, buddy. Stay close to Momma," I told Matthew. We made it down the walkway without falling or dropping anything, and I asked Matthew to ring the doorbell.

The door swung open, and my dad stood there with the cheesiest grin on his face. He loved us so much but especially Matthew. He was his little man, and they had the best relationship.

"Hey, guys! You're here! I'm so glad." He bent down to scoop up Matthew and squeezed him tight.

He reached over, kissed me on the cheek, and gave me a half hug since he had his little man in his arms.

"Hi, Dad. How are you?" I stepped inside and gestured with my full hands toward the kitchen. "How's Sue today? I'm tired and not feeling well, so I hope she doesn't give me too much shit."

He shook his head at my directness. "She's excited to have you guys here."

Nodding, I walked to place the goodies in the kitchen and to say hi to my stepmother.

"Hi, Sue." Once I freed my hands, I gave her a hug.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Where's our little boy?" She wiped her hands on her apron and walked past me craning her neck.

"There you are, Matthew. Come say hi to Nana." He went straight to her and hugged her tight around the neck. Besides her uptightness, she was good with him.

"So, what can I help you with?" I asked to be polite, although I really didn't want to do anything.

"Nothing. Everything's done and cooking, and we can relax until it's ready." Sue sat down next to me with my baby still in her arms.

"Hey, Sue, can you keep an eye on Matthew while I take Bella upstairs to show her something?" Charlie asked.

"Sure, go ahead. Do you want some wine or a beer before you go?"

A beer did sound good. "Sure, I'll take a beer."

With my Newcastle in hand and my dad trailing behind me with his glass of wine, we walked upstairs to his makeshift office.

The room was small and housed a small desk, sofa bed, and small bookshelves lining the walls. It was cozy but dark.

I curled up on the sofa, sipped my beer, and tried to relax. "So, what's up, Dad?"

With his stern face, which may be intimidating to most, but not me, he began to lecture me.

"Mike called me and told me everything. How could you?"

I scoffed, because knowing Mike, he would have told him a big fish story full of lies. "Please be so kind to share with the class what your son-in-law has told you."

"Don't be a smart ass Bel–" I stood up.

"Don't treat me like a child. You have no idea what has gone on in my house for the past two years. I've done a great job taking care of my son and have busted my ass to support us. You have no right to get involved." I stood in his face, mad as hell that he would take Mike's side instead of asking me my side first. Not as if it's any of his business anyway. "I feel completely betrayed that you have started this conversation in this manner, Dad. Seriously? You're _my_ father; there should be a loyalty there."

He held up his hand in an attempt to calm down me down. "Listen, Bells. It's just that he called me crying and said that you left him because you were seeing someone else."

"And you'd just believe him without asking me my side first." I shook my head in disgust. "And yes, for the record, I am sort of seeing someone else now. But that has nothing to do with Mike. Mike and I were done two years ago, and I will not bad mouth him to you or anyone else. He's still the father of my child, and even though I may not like him very much, I will not say things to turn anyone against him. So just stay out of it."

As I began to walk away, he grabbed my arm. "Wait. Who's this guy?"

Sighing in frustration, I turned back to look at him. "It's too new. I'll let you know when it's something more official." My dad's always been a nosey person, and I hate that Mike got to him. "Look, if Mike calls you again whining about me, tell him you can't talk to him about it or me. He has his own friends and family. I don't need him putting shit into your heads against me. He obviously has no problem talking about me, but I won't do the same." That line of conversation was done, so I jerked my head toward the door to leave.

There was a little atrium off the kitchen. With the open floor plan and windows for walls, it was a nice sitting room. I found Matthew dancing in there with Sue. It was adorable.

The beat of the music was fast, and I clapped to the rhythm. Matthew spotted me and added in an extra booty bounce for my benefit. His hands were clapping and waving around while he bounced and stomped. As soon as the song ended, he ran right to me and wrapped his arms around my legs.

Lifting him up, I smothered his face in kisses. "You dance so well, Matthew. I love it!" With a tight squeeze, I took us to sit down.

Sitting at the table for dinner was an awkward affair. There was tension between my father and me while Sue acted all Emily Post.

The smell of the turkey was intoxicating. I loved Thanksgiving food, all of it, and I wasn't going to let their weirdness ruin my dinner.

After a few more beers and tons of food, I was full and tired. I wanted to go home and crawl in bed. I wanted to wrap myself in my blankets and snuggle with Matthew. That's pretty much all I wanted to do lately.

Although, I was pretty good at compartmentalizing thing and pulling them out when I could actually deal with them, I hadn't dealt with the miscarriage yet. It happened, and I had responsibilities to keep me going. I had my little man that depended on me, and I couldn't shut down. So, I cried and slept for security, but I couldn't check out completely.

The physical pain was the only constant reminder of what happened, and that would soon be gone. I'd be left with nothing but memories, and I was sure those would fade too.

Matthew ate a slice of pumpkin pie by himself while I had my own with a cup of coffee. We had stayed long enough, and I wanted to go. Once he took the last bite, I stood to gather our belongings.

"Dad, Sue, we're going to go now. I'm really tired, and I work tomorrow, so I need to sleep."

In a flurry, Sue stood and ran to the kitchen. She came back with a grocery bag full of Tupperware with leftovers. "Bella, here take this. You'll have dinner for the next few days now." And she shoved the bag into my hands.

I chuckled at her exuberance. "Thanks, Sue. I appreciate it, and it will help a great deal." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and said a half-assed bye to my dad, and we left.

Once we were buckled up in my car, I sighed in relief. The day almost passed without incident … almost.

**~AL~**

Once we were at home and all set for bed, Matthew and I climbed under the warm covers and snuggled while watching one of his favorite movies.

Edward had called me a few times, but I didn't answer since I was busy at my dad's house. I needed to hear his voice though.

I reached for the phone and dialed. It rang and rang until I was asked to leave a message. "Hey, it's me. Call me back when you can. I'm at home now. _Te quiero mucho_."

I dozed off and found myself dreaming. I had a flash of me telling Mike off for talking shit about me to my dad. Then there was another flash, one of me crying in Edward's arms. Then the last flash was of me crying over the baby I'd never hold–never know. All those tears of loss, love, and finally, tears to help mend the damage.

**~AL~**

My phone was ringing. It took me a while to realize it through the fog of sleep.

"Hello?" My voice sounded raspy.

"_Hola amorcito_. _Como te sientes ahorra_?" Edward asked.

"Good morning. I'm okay. Actually, I'm not really sure. I just woke up and feel achy and tired still." I cleared my throat. "How are you this morning?"

He made a sound from deep in his throat, like a dismissive sound. "I'm okay. I miss you. I was working a flight last night when you called and when I was done, it was too late to call you back."

"That's okay. I fell asleep right after I called you." I yawned.

"I'm picking up breakfast for you guys, and I'll be over soon. So, get up! _Te veo pronto_."

I said bye and snuggled back into my pillow. I closed my eyes for a few minutes until I felt little fingers poking my eyelids. A big smile spread across my face and without opening my eyes, I reached for my little monkey and hugged him to me.

"Morning, baby." I kissed his head and inhaled his sweet scent.

"Mama, I hungry," my adorable baby said as he hooked his thumb in my mouth.

I pretended to chew on it. "Nom, nom, nom. Hmmm … so good." He snatched it back, and I laughed at him.

"Mmmm, that was so good, Matthew. I want more."

He screeched, "No!" He guarded his thumbs inside his tiny fists.

"Okay, okay. Let's get up now."

I heard the knock on the screen door just when we finished getting ready. Matthew followed me to the door, and I peeked out the window to make sure it was Edward before I opened it. I didn't feel like a run in with Mike, so I wanted to be sure.

I swung the door open, and there was Edward with his hands full. On one arm, he had a bag full of food, and in the other arm, he was hugging a vase full of sunflowers.

"Let me help you with that. They're so beautiful." I helped him with the vase and I set it on the table in the kitchen. The flowers were so big and beautiful, just the thing to cheer me up.

The kitchen filled with the scent of bacon, eggs, and Edward's fresh scent. He was next to me opening the boxes of food for each of us. I took the opportunity, leaned in, and bit him on the crook of his neck.

"Ah, what was that for?" His hand covered that spot quickly.

"_Era de cariño_." I giggled. It was a love bite. He wasn't buying it and shook his head in disbelief.

I made us a pot of coffee while I watched Edward and Matthew. They were too cute. Edward was great with him. He knew there were boundaries. He didn't want to replace Mike in anyway. He just wanted a harmonious relationship with Matthew without trying to play a daddy role.

"Hey, Matthew, come here. Look what I got you," said Edward. Matthew stood on his tippy toes and peeked on the table where Edward opened a box. Inside the box was a pancake in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head.

Matthew was so excited and began bouncing on the balls of his feet. He chanted, "Yes, yes, yes."

"_Como se dice_?" His dark eyes looked up at me wide and full of excitement.

He looked at Edward as he climbed on the chair. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, buddy."

I squeezed Edward's hand on the table in appreciation for his thoughtfulness. "Thank you, really. This is very nice, and the flowers are beautiful."

He reached over and pecked me on the lips, and they tasted salty from the bacon he just ate. "Mmmm. You taste good." I licked my lips and smiled up at him.

I asked Edward, "Do you work tonight?" He nodded, as his mouth was full.

"Me too. But I think I'm going to take Matthew to the park for a while to run around before I take him to his dad's." He nodded again.

Breakfast was delicious, and I was very happy that he did this for us. I needed the attention, and his actions reminded me of one of the many reasons I loved him so much.

Once he swallowed he began, "I need to get an oil change. I'll see you at work later, and we'll get dinner, okay?"

After we finished our meal and cleaned up the kitchen, Matthew ran off to play while I said bye to Edward. We hugged each other so tight while we rocked back and forth. He kissed my head, cupped my cheeks, and then kissed my lips. It wasn't a sexual driven kiss; it was more of a sensual, loving kiss.

**~AL~**

After the park, Matthew was officially worn out. I had to take him to Mike's and then head to work. In the short block to his house, Matthew fell asleep in the car.

I pulled in the driveway and carefully removed him from his car seat as to not wake him up. He stirred a bit, but then fell heavily on my shoulder.

I knocked on the door, and my mother-in-law answered. "Hi, he's sleeping. We went to the park." She nodded and slowly pried him from me to carry him off to her bed.

As I was walking back to my car Mike came out of the garage. "Hey, where you going?"

I opened my car door and yelled back, "To work."

He walked the few feet to the front of my car and just stood there staring at me. I looked at my watch to see how much time I had before I had to be at work. I had forty-five minutes and only needed fifteen to make it. I was good.

"What are up to calling my dad and feeding him lies about me?"

"I didn't feed him lies, I told him the truth."

I scoffed. "Please, seriously, Mike. Do you think we had a healthy relationship for the past two years? You've slept on the couch. We barely spoke. You spent all your free time with your friends at their jobs instead of looking for one yourself. I supported our family. Not you! And that call to my dad just showed how immature you still are."

"You just think you're too good. You're a stuck up bitch."

"Ugh, please! Spare me the insults. I actually take that as a compliment. And when your son is old enough to understand your ridiculous words, he's going to hate you for talking about me like that. So keep it up. As much as I dislike you, I will not speak about you in a negative way to our son or my family. You should do the same," I spat.

I hopped in my car, vibrating from the anger flowing through me. I slammed the door and rolled down the window. "And you should consider getting a job."

I drove to work pissed off that he took his faults and reflected them on to me. I wasn't perfect, that was for sure, but at least I wasn't a lazy leech either.

With all the windows open and the sun shining through the sunroof, I let the smell of freshly cut grass and the crisp ocean relax me. I didn't want to go to work all pissed off. I had faced enough bullshit this week to last me a lifetime. I was done.

As soon as I walked into my office, Leah's face lit up. "Hey, you're here! How are you?"

"I'm good. I was sick all week, but I'm better." I nodded to look more convincing.

Edward and decided we weren't going to tell anyone about the miscarriage. Yes, it was painful, emotionally and physically, but there was no need to seek attention for it. We didn't even know I was pregnant so it wasn't like others knew and would be upset about it. We just wanted that one thing for us.

"Good. You look better."

"Yeah, thanks. So you didn't come by today before work."

"No, I dropped off all of the small things, and tomorrow I'll deliver the bigger items. If it's still okay?"

"Of course, I can't wait until you're in." I sighed. "You know, I need a night out. We should hit the bar tonight. We haven't been in a while. Oh and wait until Edward tells you about the ghost we have at the house." I laughed. I was serious, but remembering Edward's reaction to her was hilarious.

"Shut up!" She laughed with me.

"No, I'm serious. I've noticed things moving over the years and lights turning on and off, stuff like that. I've never seen her, but ask Edward later. He saw her." I continued to chuckle a bit.

"Seriously?" she asked and I nodded.

"You're not afraid, are you?"

She shook her head back and forth. "No … at least I don't think I am."

Edward walked in at that moment, and we both busted up laughing.

He just stood there, all cool and confident, with his sexy smile. The smell of jet fuel wafted in behind him, and his hair was a bit windblown from the jet blast. He was sexy as hell.

"Are you guys laughing at me?"

I snickered. "No, babe. Oh! Leah and I want to go out for drinks tonight. We haven't gone in a long time. So can you tell everyone to meet us after work?"

"Yeah, sure."

**~AL~**

Alice and Rose were the first to arrive after Leah and I. I hugged them both fiercely. They didn't work today but still wanted to come out for drinks with us. Emmett and Jasper did work, so they were probably on their way.

"I haven't seen or talked to you two in a few days. I've missed you."

Rose gave me the bitch brow. "I heard you were sick, and I'm pissed you didn't call us to ask for help."

I sighed. "Don't be. I was so sick and didn't really need anything. Plus, I'm not the type that needs to be babied when I'm sick." I watched her face relax a bit.

"So, you've been spending a lot of time with my brother, I hear." Alice said.

"Shh, be quiet." I waved my hand to shush her.

"Ha! You think everyone doesn't know already. Please, Bella. People are not blind."

"Well, they can think what they want, but I'm not confirming anything." I shoulder checked her, which made her laugh and smack my ass. "Hey." I laughed.

Since we hadn't been to the bar lately and had been partying at Peter's house, instead we hadn't been able to get everyone together. The only people that went to Peter's were our small group. So, because of that, we hadn't really gotten together with a lot of our friends in a while. However, on that night, everyone was there.

When I looked around to see who was there, I noticed Alec and Leah sitting very close in the booth talking. Oh, maybe a new pairing. That made me smile because Alec was such a nice guy, and it seemed like Leah was a great girl.

Edward was standing behind me with his back to me. He was talking bike riding with Jasper and Emmett. Every once in a while, I'd feel his hand skim my ass. It sent tingles up my spine and left a trail of heat where he touched me.

I wanted so badly to just hug him to me and snuggle in bed. I wanted the intimacy, but I couldn't be close enough to him; it was as if I wanted to burrow into his skin.

After I drank a few beers and caught up with everyone, I decided I wanted to go.

"Stay with me tonight at my house. Peter's not come home tonight. I think he's staying with his girlfriend this weekend," Edward whispered in my ear, and I nodded.

When we got to Edward's place, we went straight to his room. I was still bleeding pretty heavily and sex was a no go, but I was looking forward to being in his arms.

I went to the restroom, washed up, and put on some of Edward's clothes he let me borrow. When I went back to his room, he was laying on his bed, propped against the headboard on his pillows with his hands behind his head. He had a white t-shirt and sleep pants on. His long torso and legs covered the length of the bed. His hair was a mess, most likely from putting on his shirt. Regardless, he was gorgeous, and he was home.

I climbed on the bed and went straight under the covers. The bed was warm and cozy with the big, black down comforter he had. He was gazing at me with his sparkly green eyes.

I felt a million times less than sexy, but the way he looked at me was uplifting. He rolled to his side and reached for me. "Come here, baby. Let me hold you." I turned to face him, and when he got under the covers, I burrowed in his chest.

I inhaled his scent and caught the smell of fabric softener in his shirt. I felt his chest flutter with laughter. "Are you smelling me?"

I looked up, and his greens were looking down at me. I tickled his chest with my chin and said, "You smell so yummy. Even your clothes smell good."

His hand caressed my hair, and he leaned down to run his nose along my cheek. I weaved my legs between his and held on to his sides tightly. That was it, the closeness I yearned for.

Our lips touched, and we molded as one. The kiss was sensual and full of the love we shared. The emotions running through us were too strong, and it scared me. I pulled back to breathe and rested my forehead on his chin. While we gasped for breath, I calmed myself. I had never felt anything that intense before.

"I love you," I said.

With a kiss to my forehead, he said, "I love you, too, with everything I am."

**~AL~**

Thanks to PTB (Project Team Beta) for their wonderful beta skills.

A huge thanks to everyone who voted for At Last at The Lemonade Stand. We did it! We made one of the Top 5 Fics of the Week. A HUGE thanks to Mid Night-Cougar for nominating my story.

Thanks to all of my new followers, readers, and reviewers! I love hearing from you all! Thanks for reading! ;)


	8. Don't Worry 'Bout Me

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers.**

**~AL~**

**Don't Worry 'Bout Me**

**January 1996**

**~AL~**

The music was loud, vibrating through my body as I moved on the dance floor. _Que_ _Manera De Quererte_ by Gilberto Santa Rosa was playing, and the floor was packed.

The Mayan, a nightclub in downtown L.A., was always full. The line to get in was wrapped around the building, and it would lead you to believe it was empty inside, but no, it was quite full. The building was an old theatre and structurally beautiful.

We were able to convince everyone to meet us there. Leah had moved in over a month ago and it was working out well. She came with Alec, which wasn't a surprise seeing as they'd been inseparable since that night at the bar. Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper all made it as well.

Edward and I tried to make it out at least every weekend. We had gotten so close and spent almost every free moment together. When Matthew was at his dad's house for the weekend, I'd stay at Edward's place, and during the week, we'd do family type stuff.

Edward enjoyed meeting Matthew and me at the park. He'd play chase with him, or help him go down the slide. Watching them together warmed my heart. Edward had bought Matthew a bunch of movies about dinosaurs, including The Land Before Time. Those two would sit glued to the TV for hours.

Edward had turned out to be a great boyfriend; he was so generous and loving. He had no problem sitting at home watching kids' movies, going to Chuck E. Cheese's, or taking me out on a date. Regardless of what we did, I enjoyed it, as long as we did it together. I thought myself to be very lucky.

The dance floor was so full that it was difficult to dance and not bump into others, but we made the best of it. Edward placed his hands on my hips. He was feeling them move up and down as they shook to the beat of the salsa music. Our feet were moving in synchrony, and we had a little routine that we had perfected.

Edward took my right hand with his right one and jerked me back quickly, so our arms were locked straight out in front of us. Just as fast, he pulled me toward him, so our lips would touch if we weren't moving so fast. We turned, still holding hands, but we were back to back, so we quickly made our way to face each other. Once we returned to our starting position, we resumed our steps as if we had never stopped. Our feet were making the same movements, same little _pasitos_.

His beautiful smile never left his face. He looked amazing, yet he was dressed so simply. Black slacks low on his hips fit perfectly, so the round of his ass was defined and his crisp, green button-down shirt was tucked in.

It was hot in there. The moisture in the air from the body heat of everyone surrounding us on the dance floor felt like a humid day in Florida. The different colored lights flashing around and the spotlights made it feel like we were chicks in an incubator. I was dripping with sweat.

All the women were dressed in skimpy clothing. It was like a uniform; we all had on the highest heels we owned, the shortest skirt, and the skimpiest shirt. The high heels made salsa dancing so much easier since I spent most of the time on the balls of my feet. Not to mention they always made me feel sexy.

Edward was a great dancer, and he taught me how to dance salsa, cumbia, and merengue. I loved that music, and it was a great workout. After dancing every single song that played for the last hour, my legs were burning, and I was thirsty.

"Hey, I'm thirsty and it's my turn to get drinks. Why don't you ask the others if they want to take a break," I asked while we walked off the dance floor, spotting our friends scattered throughout the crowd. I made a drinking motion with my hand to let them know what we were doing.

At the edge of the dance floor, I asked for everyone's order. Alice and Rose said they'd help me carry them, but had to go to the restroom first. I pointed to the bar with the least amount of people in line, letting them know where I was going.

Edward gave me a kiss and pointed to an empty table in the corner where our friends would wait for us. So off I went, squeezing through the throngs of people walking and standing around.

Honestly, I hated crowds, but in order to go out and dance I had to deal with them. As I made my way to the bar, guys would stop me and ask if I wanted to dance. I was always polite and would let them know I was there with someone and no thank you. My bitchy side only came out when they were persistent and wouldn't let it go. But on the most part, they usually nodded and walked away.

I finally arrived at the bar and was lucky that only a few people were in front of me. While the person before me ordered his drinks, I felt someone staring at me. So I scanned the area to see if I was crazy, only to see a guy standing against the wall next to the bar. He was probably about my height, but really buff.

His beady eyes were focused on me, and I instantly felt uneasy. The only thing I didn't like about clubs was they were always so dark, and I had a hard time seeing. My terrible night vision made it difficult for me to have a clear perspective. So in that dark club, all I could see were his eyes and the shape of his body, but not much else.

When it was my turn to order, that guy had inched his way closer to the edge of the bar–closer to me. He was creepy, and I knew something was going to happen. I just had a feeling.

I felt a tight grip on my wrist and awful breath on my face. "Let's dance." He didn't ask, he just told me and began pulling me toward the dance floor. We hadn't gotten far because he wasn't moving fast, so I tried to pull my arm back and told him, "No, I'm here with someone." The bitch came out, because he had crossed the line.

He jerked me closer to him. "Fuck you, bitch. You're all the same stuck-up pieces of shit. Let's go!"

Luckily, he had my left wrist, so I cocked my right arm back and hit him right in the face. The rest was a blur. I felt a hit to my face, but I kept giving it back. He had let go of me at one point and I was trying to kick his ass. I kicked, punched, elbowed, kneed, but nothing slowed him down. He was too strong, and every punch he landed on me almost knocked me down.

I didn't realize at the time, but we had knocked some tables over and people had cleared out but surrounded us in a circle. At some point, Alice and Rose showed up and tried to pull that asshole off me.

My friends knew I never looked for a fight, but I had never backed down either. Obviously, I was no match to men in the fighting area, but I'd never quit. I'd never allow myself to just be beaten without fighting back. I always gave it all I had.

I supposed when our friends heard the commotion, they knew once they saw me fighting with a complete stranger they helped me out. So there they were, all of them, trying to hold that guy back and throwing blows to get him to stop. But the guy couldn't be stopped. He was like frickin Superman and kept coming back for more. I had a feeling he was on something, and that scared me even more.

I felt someone grab me from behind, and instinctively, I turned around swinging, only to find out it was a female security guard. She quickly grabbed my hands, pulled them behind my back, and secured them in hers. Pushing me, she directed me to walk toward a side exit I didn't even know existed.

I struggled since I had no idea where everyone else was. "Hey, that guy attacked me. He grabbed me and tried to force me to dance with him. You shouldn't be kicking me out. Where are my friends?" I was rambling. As we were walking, I still felt pumped from the adrenaline high.

"Your friends are being escorted out through different exits. You can meet them outside, but you're not welcome back here."

I was completely appalled that I was being kicked out of a club. Also, I couldn't believe what that guy did with his crazy, super strength. But most of all, I was worried about Edward. Even though I was feeling some pain, I was more concerned for his well-being.

The security guard led me down the stairs and out the locked gate. She gave me a shove and closed the gate behind me. I was standing out in the street, in downtown Los Angeles, alone. It wasn't the best neighborhood, and I had no idea where to go to meet the others. So I figured I could make it to our car, and just prayed I wasn't jumped on my way, and that the others would think to meet me there.

I felt like I had just been mugged, and I was still feeling dizzy. I walked as fast as I could to the parking lot our car was in. I just needed to catch my breath and find Edward.

The parking lot was a block away from the club, and the streets were dark. There were people walking around, dressed like they were either going to the club or coming back from it. I felt a little better knowing I wasn't completely alone out there.

As I reached the entrance to the lot, I heard some quick footsteps come up behind me, and I whipped around to see who it was. Rose and Alice were running as fast as they could in their five-inch heels. I breathed a sigh of relief and closed the distance between us.

"Oh, my god, you guys. Are you okay? Where is everyone? Edward?" I rattled off quickly as I scanned their faces and arms to check for damage.

"Holy shit, girl. Look at your face. We need to get you home and get some ice on that shit," Alice said, concerned, as she touched my face. I hissed and moved away from her touch. "Ouch! That shit hurt." I couldn't even imagine what I looked like.

The look on their faces told me it was bad, but I couldn't concern myself with it in that moment. I needed Edward and wouldn't relax until I saw him.

"You didn't answer my question. Where's Edward?"

Rose answered finally, "I don't know, honestly. They took everyone out through separate exits, and we just figured we'd meet at the car." She shrugged like it was no big deal. "Anyway, the guys can handle themselves."

I could feel the pain in my face as it scrunched in concern. "But … I'm worried. Rose, did you see that guy? He had some super strength. It was insane. I think he was on some PCP or something. I've heard that shit can make people crazy strong."

We were walking toward our cars in the lot. None of us had the keys, so we decided to wait next to Edward's car. As I leaned against the car with my hand resting on my stomach for comfort, I began to feel the adrenaline that had me so pumped up only moments ago leave my system. My body was shaking and my legs felt weak. I wasn't sure I could stand much longer, and I realized I had the telltale signs of passing out. My ears were plugging, I was sweating but cold, and my vision was cloudy. I knew if I didn't sit down somewhere soon I was going to fall over. The last thing I remembered was sliding down the side of the car with my arms wrapped around my middle and everything going black.

Rose and Alice must have laid me on the ground, because it was cold and I felt little pebbles digging into my skin. I slowly opened my eyes and was relieved to see Edward's beautiful green ones staring back at me.

"Oh, thank God! You're awake," Edward said, relieved.

I began to sit up because yeah, I was quite uncomfortable on the ground.

"I'm awake." I smiled timidly. I looked around and noticed everyone looking at me with concerned expressions.

"I'm okay. I think the adrenaline wore off, my anxiety kicked in, and I passed out. I'm okay now, really," I reassured them.

They didn't look convinced. Another long look at Edward and I could see he wasn't so sure I was telling the truth, either that or I looked worse for the wear.

I stood up and gestured for the car. "I want to go home now. I'm tired and beginning to feel sore." Alice, Rose, and Leah all came over to hug me. They gave me wary looks as if to say I was lying about being okay.

"You're coming with me tonight. I don't want you to go home alone," Edward said with a forceful tone.

"Hey, and what am I: chopped liver?" Leah jumped in acting hurt.

Edward gave her a look that could only be construed as "fuck off" and began helping me into the car.

I flashed Leah an apologetic look and waved bye to everyone. Emmett, Alec, and Jasper just stood off to the side looking as concerned as everyone else.

"I'll call you all tomorrow, okay. Night." The car door shut and I just leaned against the headrest.

When Edward got in the car, he reached for my hand and said, "I want to take care of you. Make sure you're okay." He caressed my hand and gently placed it back on my lap. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I should have gone with you."

I looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you kidding me? You think this could have gone any differently?" I shook my head and regretted it instantly. It hurt.

"It would have gone differently. He wouldn't have even spoken to you if I was there."

"Edward, listen. That guy was on something, PCP maybe, and he wouldn't have stopped regardless of who was there. He was out of his mind. You can't blame yourself. So stop, I don't want to hear another word about it. I just want to forget it happened."

He slapped down the sun visor and flipped open the mirror with such rage, and I had no idea why. He pointed at the mirror and said, "Look! Look at yourself."

Nervous at what I was going to see I inched my eyes up to my reflection. I gasped at what I saw. My left eye was swollen and already darkening with the first signs of bruising. My jaw was also swollen, and my lip was split and looked like a piece of liver. My hair was knotted and looked like a bird's nest on my head. I looked like I had been through hell and back.

I traced my lips with my finger with care because it did hurt. My eye was almost closed, and I knew that in the morning I would look a million times worse.

I was sure I had bruises all over my body, because I could feel pain radiating through me. My muscles were sore, and I felt like crying. Once I finished my inventory of my injuries, I understood Edward's concern.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, but this is not your fault."

He just nodded, watching the road as he drove us home.

**~AL~**

Once we arrived at his place, he helped me get undressed and into the shower. The water was warm and felt good on my aching muscles. He climbed in with me, and with great concentration, he began to wash my hair. Careful not to cause more pain, he used gentle touches and warm caresses. He washed my whole body and then his own.

He handed me a big fluffy towel and helped me dry off. Once we were done, he gave me some of his clothes and helped me into bed. With a gentle kiss to my upper lip so as not to cause me more pain to my bottom one, he said he'd be right back.

When he returned, he brought a bottle of water with a straw, a bag of ice wrapped in a towel, and a couple of Advil. "I wasn't sure if a straw would help or hurt your lip, so I figured I'd let you try and decide."

"Thank you," I said with an appreciative smile.

I ended up using the straw from the corner of my mouth and held it with my teeth while taking small sips. Once I filled my mouth with enough water, I leaned my head back and popped the pills in.

I handed the bottle back to Edward and snuggled into the bed, conscientious of how I laid my face on the pillow. I gently laid the ice on my face trying to cover as much of it as I could. Shit it was cold.

"You want to tell me what happened?" I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was facing me and was so close.

I began the tale of what happened from the time I arrived at the bar to when I woke up on the ground. He didn't handle the story well. He went from complete and utter anger to such sadness when I was describing the fight, being kicked out of the club, and what happened to me.

"The worst part, I can't even remember most of the fight itself. It was like I was running on pure adrenaline, and it all seemed like an out of body experience. I didn't even feel the hits at the time, except for maybe the first few, but then I just went black." I smoothed out the line between his eyes. "I'll be okay. These are just superficial wounds and they'll heal. Please stop worrying."

Instead of pulling me toward him and risking me more pain, he came closer to me and draped himself over me with such caution.

"_Es que, te quiero mucho_, and I am supposed to protect you."

"You did. As soon as you got there, you helped protect me. You can't protect me when you don't know I need help. I'm just grateful you got there when you did." I tried to kiss him but pursing my lips hurt so badly. "I love you, too. I'm beyond tired. Night." I held his hand between us near my heart and fell asleep.

**~AL~**

**Thanks for reading. Leave me your thoughts.**


	9. Laying Beside You

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters are the property of the author.**

**Thanks so much to all the volunteers at PTB (Project Team Beta), especially the two that worked on this, for their awesome beta skills. **

**Any remaining mistakes are mine. **

**~AL~**

**Laying Beside You**

**First week of**

**March 1996**

**~AL~**

The sun warmed my back through the sliding glass doors of our hotel room. We forgot to close the drapes and I was paying for it. Lying on my side facing Edward, wrapped in the warmth of his embrace was hot enough, but the strong Los Cabos sun just made it too much.

My attempt to slide out of his arms without waking him worked, and I padded my way to the bathroom. Once I finished my business and walked back to the bed, I spotted Edward stretching. The sheet that covered him was low on his hips and the "v" of his pelvis showed. He was naked, as was I, with his lithe body stretched out and just enough showing to heat me up again like the magnifying-glass-sliding-doors did just moments before.

Lately, our lives had been so right. Everything seemed to come together finally, and we were enjoying our tightly formed relationship. We had grown so close and it seemed as if everything just clicked for us.

I had stopped on my way back to bed, because Edward's eyes were taking in every inch of my naked body, I took the last few steps into his arms. One of his hands went right to my ass and the other caressed my back. I could feel him harden below me as I lay on top of him. Moving my legs so I straddled him, Edward's hands began to roam all over my body, touching every inch of me.

Rocking back and forth over him to get some relief, he continued to tease me. I brought my lips to his, and when our tongues touched, his hands became a bit more frantic. Leaning back on my haunches, I used my hands to caress Edward. I wanted to show him how thankful I was for all he had done for me. My fingers slowly and lightly skimmed his skin from his jawline, down his neck, to his collarbones, and down his chest. Goosebumps prickled up under my fingers and it fueled me to continue.

I moved my lips to follow the path my fingers laid, nibbling and licking along the way. My rocking was met with small hip thrusts from Edward, and the sheet was the only thing that stopped us from penetration in that moment.

"Hmmmm, lift up a bit," he said with a sleep-filled, groggy voice.

Following his orders, I lifted my ass a bit so he could move the sheet out of our way. Edward held his cock up, so as I lowered myself, he slipped inside me.

"Ahhh! So good!" I moaned. God, he always felt so good.

I leaned forward, placed my palms on his chest, and began to rock slowly at first. Then little by little my slow rocking turned into fast thrusts as I lifted my ass up and down quickly.

With his hands on my hips to help guide me, he grunted and groaned in pleasure. I changed my up and down thrusts to quick forward and backward thrusts. That particular movement hit my G-spot exactly and had me screaming and moaning through my orgasm. Edward's hands gripped tighter and moved me more quickly to help his orgasm along. He lifted his head and latched onto my lips, kissing and nipping while he rode out the last few moments of our lovemaking.

"Oh, God, baby. I love you, so much!" he moaned loudly.

After winding down, I scooted off him and lay at his side, curled up around him, but he got up to use the bathroom.

While laying there in my post-coital bliss, I began to think back to the past two months and what led us here on this wonderful vacation with our friends.

**~AL~**

**Beginning of January 1996**

**~AL~**

"Ugh," I whined as I rolled over. A few days had passed since the night at the club, and I was still sore all over. The bruising on my face had managed to turn almost every color of the rainbow, and my whole body was covered in them.

For the first time since I started my job, I had to call in sick. I hated that I had to let them down, but I was in no shape to work. And my face was not ready to be seen. I still looked a mess.

As I rolled over, I saw Matthew was still sleeping. It was early, too early to get up, but my body ached, and I couldn't lie down for too long. So I rolled myself quietly off the bed and tip-toed to the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror caught my eye, and I decided to stop and check out my progress that morning. Turning my head to the left then right, I inspected all parts of my face. The coloring around my eye was a yellowish-green. The swelling in my lip had gone down a lot, but I had a scab where it was split.

After taking care of my morning business and washing up, I padded lightly to the kitchen and made myself some coffee. As I sat at the kitchen table, I began to reflect on the past few days. Edward, as usual, had been wonderful. It seemed as if all he'd done since we'd been together was take care of me. My luck lately hadn't been so good and it was getting ridiculous.

As much as I complained and told him he didn't have to baby me so much, he'd come right back with how much he loved taking care of me. He wished he could take the pain away and make it all right for me, and although his intentions were so sweet and generous, I felt like he did too much already.

After the incident at the club, Edward was so angry. He wanted me to run over there and kick up a storm, but I just wanted to forget it and move on. Yeah, the situation made me angry, but honestly, it wasn't the club's fault. People were deceiving, and if he looked and acted normal when he walked in, they'd have had no reason to deny him access. And they couldn't be held responsible for his actions. It wasn't the club's fault that he went bat shit crazy. Or that he did some PCP in the bathroom or something. Who knew what happened to that guy and what made him snap; maybe he was just off his rocker and a little crazy.

I didn't like being tossed out the side door, though, without at least speaking in defense of myself. But their policy was anyone who fought in their club was out. I understood that, but I had to defend myself, and being kicked out was the least of my worries. Anyway, I doubted that the club even had that guy's info. They threw him out another door and I was sure they didn't stop to gather anyone's info. They had no idea who started the fight; they just wanted everyone involved out. So Edward's idea of going to complain would've only been a waste of my time.

I wasn't the type of person to dwell on shit that had already happened anyway. Fighting for shit I couldn't change was like throwing good energy away. I had to save that energy to fight for shit I could control. Life was crazy like that anyway; it would throw things your way, and it all depended on how you reacted that made the difference.

For example, I had a friend that got in a car accident on the freeway, and afterward they swore they'd never drive on a freeway again. That mentality didn't compute with me. I wasn't like that. Shit happened, and I'd pick myself back up and carry on. My life couldn't stop, and I didn't have time to be afraid of shit. I had people that relied on me, and I had dreams of my own that I wouldn't let anything take away.

"Mama," Matty cried out from the room.

I called back, "I'm in the kitchen, baby." The pitter-patter of his little feet followed him all the way to me. I stretched out my arms for him to climb into. With a big, tight squeeze, I nuzzled him under my chin. He still fit quite nicely, even with as big as he was getting.

My fingers caressed his scalp that was still pretty bald. At three years old, he was just beginning to grow hair. My mother told me once that I was bald until I was three as well. So I supposed it ran in the family. Matthew lay warm against me, one arm around my neck playing with my hair. His other arm was lying lazily over my arm.

I pulled back a bit to look at his face and asked, "Do you want some breakfast?" He nodded his head in reply, not ready to speak much. "Well, what would you like? Cereal?" I waited for a response and since nothing came, I continued, "Umm … eggs? Waffles? Pancakes?" When I got to pancakes, his body began to shake in my arms from his frantic nod. I laughed at his excitement. "All righty then, pancakes it is," I said cheerily.

While the pancakes were cooking on the griddle, I poured myself another cup of coffee, added milk, and two spoons full of sugar. My stomach began to growl from the smell of the hotcakes and I was getting anxious to dig in with Matty. He sat patiently at the table. He was still a bit groggy and had his head resting on his arms, on the table, watching me with wide eyes.

After I prepared the pancakes with sufficient butter and syrup, we both sat and enjoyed the warm breakfast together. His hotcakes were cut up in small pieces, which gave him ease to eat on his own. I rarely ever had to help him eat; he was learning to be very independent.

The only thing he lacked was speech. He could not, or would not, speak in full sentences. He only spoke a few words here and there, but he understood both English and Spanish fluently. Perhaps I stunted him from speaking by thrusting both languages at him so young. I tried to fix this by speaking in full sentences and trying to avoid baby talk at all costs. I wanted him to attend preschool soon and speaking was a major necessity.

After we ate, I set to clean my room a bit and straighten up in the bathroom. As sore as I was, it didn't matter, I needed something to do. Leah said she'd deep clean the house on her next day off, and I figured I could have Matty help me a bit. "Baby, come help momma pick up your toys." Matty was a big help with his toys, and he tried to help with the vacuum but it was truly much too big for him.

As I picked up the dirty laundry, dusted my room, and threw the sheets in the dryer, I thought about the fact I hadn't spoken to Edward yet that morning. I was sure he'd either show up here or call soon, so I wasn't too worried about it. If he hadn't called by the time I was done, I'd call him. He was off and I actually expected him to show up with some sort of food for Matthew and I.

**~AL~**

A few hours later, after I'd finished my light cleaning and showered, Edward was knocking on the door with lunch. My smile grew as big as it could without shooting pain throughout my face. I pecked him on the lips and he held up a bag of my favorite Peruvian food. I couldn't smile any bigger on the outside but I knew I was smiling on the inside. I was so excited. I always craved their _saltado de camaron_.

"Thank you, thank you!" He smiled at the gleam in my eyes. With a swoop of his arm, he gestured toward the table. Happily, I obliged and looked down at Matthew by my heels. "Are you hungry?" I asked him. His head bobbed up and down frantically, almost as if he was just as excited as I was about the bounty we were about to partake in.

"Well, come on now. Sit down in your chair and I'll serve you some," I said. Then I remembered last time he liked the shrimp and I asked, "Oh, do you want some shrimp, too?"

"_Si_, Mama, pease," he answered instead of nodding as he usually would. I smiled as best I could and began cutting up the shrimp into small pieces.

"You've got it, kiddo." Once he was settled and eating, I turned to Edward.

"Thanks so much for bringing this." I pointed to my plate with my fork before I took another bite. I savored the taste of shrimp, French fries, and onions, always trying to figure out what spices they used to cook it. I wished I could make it myself, but I had no idea how they did it.

"You're welcome. What have you been doing today?"

I shook my head at his question. "Nothing really," I answered. "Just straightened up a bit and washed my sheets. But I can't put them back on. It's too strenuous since the bed is so big. Can you help me later?"

His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips pursed. He began to speak as he cut his eyes sharply at me. "You shouldn't have done anything. I could've have done it, but I'll do the bed. I don't want you doing anything else. Understood?" he stressed shaking his head. "Dammit, I knew I should've come earlier, but I was cleaning my house."

"Hey, don't worry. I didn't push myself or do anything too strenuous. I only dusted my room and picked up the dirty laundry. And see, I left the tough stuff for you."

"Fine, but you still shouldn't be doing anything." In between bites, his face lit up for a quick moment like he was remembering something. And I knew that was it when he began speaking. "So, I wanted to take you to Vegas in a few weeks. They're going to be imploding one of the oldest hotels on the strip and they make a big show of it. I thought it would be great for all of us to go."

Excitement and questions raced through my mind. "Wow, I'm excited, and yes I'll go. But who's all of us?" I asked, wondering whom he planned on bringing.

"_Mi mamá_, Alice _y_ Jasper, Rose _y_ Emmett. I haven't spent a lot of time with my mom over the past few years, so _la quiero invitar también_. _Está bien_?"

He looked a bit shy, but I quickly interrupted his thought process. "_Está muy bien. _I love Esme, you know that, and I am so excited to go. When would we go?" His body visibly relaxed. I honestly didn't know what he thought he had to be worried about. I loved his family and our friends.

"Well, the implosion is on the twenty-eighth of February and we both have the day off. If we could just get a couple of days before and after it would be better. I want us to bring Matthew, _también. _Is that okay?"

I thought about it and glanced at the calendar on the wall next to us, and the twenty-eighth fell on a Wednesday, so I had no obstacles. "Yeah, that sounds great!"

It was only two weeks away and I was squirming in my seat with excitement. I hoped I'd be completely healed by then.

"Can I call the girls and tell them or do you want to?" He laughed at me because of my excitement and squirming. I jumped up as quickly as my sore body allowed and went for the phone.

I decided to dial Alice first and waited for her to answer. _"Hello?"_

"Alice, hey it's me. Whatcha doin'?"

_"Oh, nada. You?"_

"Doesn't matter, but your brother's here and I have some good news. He's inviting all of us to Vegas to watch some hotel implosion at the end of February. So, get the time off and tell Jasper. Ugh, I'm so excited!" I told her and then whispered the next part. "And guess what … he's going to invite Esme, too. Isn't that great?"

_"No shit, that's awesome. I won't say anything to her until he does."_

"Yeah, don't. But I have to go because I need to call Rose and tell her. Okay? Talk to you later!"

As I dialed again, I glanced up to spy at Edward's face and saw that he was highly amused with my excitement. It led me to believe that was his whole intention. I winked at him and blew him a kiss.

Before I knew it, my appreciative flirting was halted by Rose's voice. "_What's up, bitch_?" she asked.

"Haa haa! What up, homegirl? I've got some news." I laughed at her crazy ass.

"_Oh, well do tell. Don't keep me waiting_!" she growled.

"So, in two weeks, you'll need to pack a bag for Vegas! He-ey! You down?"

"_Hell yeah, I'm down. What's the occasion_?"

"No occasion, Edward just wants to take us all to watch a hotel implosion and hang out and shit! You know?" I loved it when we acted silly like that and played with our fake ghetto lingo.

"_Sounds good. Who all is going_?" she asked.

"Alice, Jasper, you, Emmett, me, Edward, Matthew, and Esme. We need to get together soon to get this all worked out. Sound good?"

"_Yeah, for sure. Let me know when, okay_?"

"You've got it, girl! I'll talk to you later."

After I hung up, I found Edward in the living room sitting with Matthew. I sidled up to them and Edward put his arm around me and tucked me into his side nice and tight.

"It's all set. The girls know, and now you just have to tell your mom. I'm so excited. I can only imagine why you're doing this, and I want to thank you so much! You're such a sweet, generous man and I love you so much!"

He shrugged his other shoulder acting like it was nothing.

"You know, I've only been to Vegas once when I was sixteen. Charlie took me. I got all dressed up and played the slots for hours and no one carded me. I thought I was the shit." I chuckled at the memory. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward looking at me like I was crazy. "What?" I asked.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yes! Really. It was so much fun, but I haven't been since."

**~AL~**

**End of February 1996**

**~AL~**

The lights were bright as they lit up the sky. We were on the I-15 N and could see the strip from miles out. It was dark out, but the strip was lit up like a Christmas tree on steroids. My eyes widened at the sight and I looked back in the backseat at Matthew. "Baby, do you see the light?"

He craned his neck to see out the front windshield and gasped at the sight before him. His little hands clapped and his feet were kicking in excitement. I knew how he felt, as it was the same for me. Esme was in the backseat with Matthew and in awe from the beautiful scenery as well.

Next thing I knew, we were pulling off the freeway and were on the strip. Once on the strip, the hotels were overwhelming. There was a wide variety of hotel types. To my left I saw an old hotel next to the MGM. To the right was Excalibur and it looked just like a castle.

"See that old hotel? That's the one they're going to implode, and I read that they're going to build a hotel to replicate New York."

I just looked around in complete fascination looking at all the theme hotels. "Mhmm," I said distractedly. The strip had grown so much since the last time I was there. New hotels were all over the place, and obviously with the implosion, there were plans for more. The sight was a bit overwhelming, and every single one of us sat in awe.

Once we were on S. Las Vegas Blvd., I saw the Flamingo. It wasn't the biggest hotel on the strip, nor the best, but it looked like it was a more than decent place. The hotel itself was lit with pink lights and had a big lighted structure above the entrance in the shape of flamingo feathers. They definitely kept with the theme and tied it all together.

Flicking my eyes to the rear window, I saw Emmett's car behind us. The girls must have seen me looking because they both began to wave. Smiling to myself, I waved back. They looked like the Bobsy twins, heads together as they looked out the windshield.

Thinking I was waving at him, Matthew got all excited and began pulling at his car seat straps. My fingers tickled his chubby legs and riled him up even more.

Before I even realized, we were parked and Edward was getting out. I clapped a couple of times. "Hey, baby! We're here!" Popping the door open and jumping out, I stretched in earnest. My body was sore from sitting so long. I pulled open the back door so I could get Matty out. I was sure he was quite excited to be rid of this car. He behaved exceedingly well.

Edward was already pulling our bags from the trunk and I grabbed what we needed from the car. I hoisted Matthew on my hip and carried my purse, the diaper bag, and our snack bag. Esme had her purse over her shoulder and helped Edward with a wheeling suitcase.

Emmett, Jasper, and the girls parked next to us. "Whoo! We're here!" I turned around to see Emmett hooting and hollering like a five year old. Laughing to myself at his silly ass, everyone else started laughing when they noticed Matthew fist pumping to Emmett's screams.

Edward asked us to wait off to the side while he and Jasper went to check us in.

"Hey, little guy. Come here. Mom, put him down so he can come to me," said Emmett in a not-so-indoor voice. He was so obnoxious and childish sometimes.

I looked at Matthew. "You want to go over there?" I asked. He nodded, so I let him down and his little feet ran quickly to Emmett. I sort of paid attention to them while Emmett went from playing peek-a-boo to blowing raspberries on Matty's stomach. Matthew's squeals and Emmett's loud voice echoed in the lobby. Every head that turned their way couldn't help but laugh or smile at their cuteness.

Edward and Jasper returned with our room numbers and keys, and directed us to our room. Somehow, they managed to get us adjoining rooms, which I was very happy about. While us girls scoped out the layout of the rooms, the guys wanted to do a store run. They took down lists of what we all wanted to drink and some stuff for Esme and Matthew and ran out the door.

Alice squealed, "Bella, Rose, did you see this bathroom?" I followed her voice, which came from my bathroom, and saw her standing in the Jacuzzi tub. It was huge yet still had a nice sized shower. There was a double sink and a separate room for the toilet. The bathroom was so spacious, and the bonus was the TV hanging in the top corner of the mirror above the sinks. All three of us could get ready in that bathroom and not even get in each other's way. Sweet!

"I'd love to have a bathroom like this," I said, and got even more pensive. "Someday. We need to have dreams, right?" Twirling around slowly, I captured every detail and filed it to use for my dream house. The only thing it was missing was a window, which I would place over the tub.

Rose spoke up and changed the subject. "So, what are we going to do tonight?" All three of us looked at each other and had a silent conversation with our eyes. Rose wanted to go clubbing, I knew it, and Alice wanted to go hotel hopping so she could spy all of the architecture and decorations. Well, I wanted to go sit in the casino and gamble, get free drinks, and get drunk.

"We'll see what the guys want to do," we all said at the same time and started cracking up. With our cackles echoing from the bathroom to the room, Matthew ran in to see what we were doing. He stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips and an expression of expectation.

I looked at the girls that were still laughing. "Wow, bossy already, aren't we?" And we laughed harder, which only upset him more. Matthew didn't like us laughing at him so he stomped his foot. I was bent over at his silliness and held my arms out and wiggled my fingers to call him to me. With a little pout to his lower lip, he ran to me.

I hugged him tight to me and swayed back and forth for a minute. He was getting too big to hold like this, but I wanted to take advantage of it while I could. Pretty soon, I wouldn't be able to pick him up at all; he'd be too big.

**~AL~**

The guys wanted to hang out in the casino and said they spotted several bars with live music spread throughout the casino. I thought that was a great idea, since we'd been in a car for a few hours. I thought a nice night of drinking, dancing, and maybe gambling would be kick back.

The girls and I got ready in jeans, cute little shirts, and some kick ass high heels. I loved jeans and could dress them to go with any occasion. Rose and Alice could too, and with the right hair and makeup, we all looked even better.

The guys were dressed similarly in jeans, button-down shirts, and dress shoes. My man was looking mighty hot.

That night in the casino was a great time. We hopped from little bar to little bar, listening to music, dancing, drinking, and clowning around. In between that, we'd stop at a few slot machines to try our luck. Edward lost thirty dollars, but he said he didn't like to gamble that much anyway, so he was done. Rose and Alice just sat at the machines pretending to play so they could get free drinks from the waitresses. Emmett and Jasper played roulette and actually won a bit of money each. I'd slip in money as we'd walk to and from the different bars. I was so excited because on our last pass through, I slipped five dollars in a quarter slot machine and actually won seven hundred and fifty dollars.

It was so exciting, because I had never won anything before. I told Edward I'd help pay for our trip with the money, but he wouldn't hear of it. He told me to use it for bills and such, since Mike hadn't paid any child support at all. I had never complained about money to Edward, but he was always aware of what was going on. He knew I needed the money. I just felt bad that I had that money and wanted to help him.

**~AL~**

It was cold and packed. We were bundled up and standing so close to each other and a million others that we couldn't even hold our hands out without touching the person next to us. The streets were so full and I had heard it was only this packed on New Year's Eve. We all just stood there staring at the big, old building across the street.

There were tons of lights all over the building, strategically placed like Christmas decorations. We still had an hour to wait for the implosion to start. I was beginning to regret agreeing to this. I was about to have an anxiety attack from all the people surrounding me. They were pushing and shoving to get closer, and not respecting anyone's personal space. Matty was on Edward's shoulders, with his little hands in E's crazy locks. I was jealous, as he had the best seat in the house. He was excited for it to start and getting a bit impatient. I didn't blame him.

Music filled the street and everyone seemed to look around, trying to find where the bass-filled music was coming from. Loud thumps vibrated through our bodies as one by one the explosives began to go off. The night ended with all of us huddled together watching the hotel blow up and fall down with strategically planned choreography. It was beautiful and exciting, and something I was so privileged to see.

The love that was showered on Matthew and I from my friends and new family was so wonderful. I had so much to be thankful for and knew that it took a lot of work to get where we were, but it was so worth it. Edward and I were happy, and he kept Matty and I safe and loved.

Our first day back to work, Edward came running into my office with a flyer in his hand.

"Hey, babe. Look at this," he said, while handing me the paper. "What do you say? Do you want to go?"

Reading the flyer to understand what he was talking about, I saw it said:

_All-inclusive hotel in Cabo San Lucas_

_Twenty-nine dollars a night per person for airline employees only. _

_Offer expires March 15, 1996. _

__**~AL~**

**So there you go ... they're in Los Cabos. Updating on this will be slow until I finish my novel that is due the end of February. I will still try and update in between, so please be patient with me.**

**For all of those that read and review, thank you. I love reading your messages and thoughts. A few left guest reviews with questions and I couldn't answer, so please try to sign in if you can. :) **

**Thanks everyone!**

**Leave your thoughts below! **

**V**


	10. Stormy Weather

**~AL~**

**Stormy Weather**

**Cabo San Lucas**

**March 1996**

**~AL~**

The doorknob rattled as he tried to get it open with his key. I hadn't slept all night, and even though I was exhausted I felt the adrenaline pumping my blood furiously to my heart. The anxiety I felt made me dizzy. But this was it. My world was going to explode in a few minutes and I didn't know how I'd handle it.

I stood up then I sat down again. I wasn't sure what to do so I stood again and actually walked to the door and turned the knob so quickly it flew open. He must have been leaning against the door and fell straight to the floor at my feet. _Fuck me! He was wasted!_

The worry that had cultivated in my stomach had turned into a full on anxiety attack. I needed the confrontation to settle my mind to relax a bit. But unfortunately that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't sit another moment stewing and left wondering what in the world happened. I needed answers and resolutions.

My chest was heaving. The t-shirt I had put on not too long before Edward arrived was moving up and down rapidly on my chest. The pain in my arm increased and felt like millions of needles poking me from the tips of my fingers all the way to my heart. The muscles from my shoulder to my breast were tensed and felt like they were being choked. That alone panicked me more, my breathing came so quick and shallow I was going to pass out.

I looked around rapidly as I used the adrenaline, running like a burst dam through my veins, for some seriously needed self-preservation. Edward was passed out flat on the floor and I pulled his body a bit, so the door would close. His dead weight was a bitch to move but I was on a mission. This was all in the name of taking care of myself.

Grabbing a few things and stuffing it in my duffle bag, I called Alice. After a look at the clock, I prayed they were back from the club. It was five-thirty in the morning and I figured they were sleeping.

As soon as I heard her voice, I couldn't contain the feelings any longer. A muffled voice answered, "Hello."

"Alice? I need you. Please come."

I heard some rustling. "Jasper, Jasper. Wake up. Bella needs us. Okay, Bella, we'll be right there."

I didn't know where all this behavior came from. What sparked the change in Edward? The past couple of days had been wonderful. Edward took me horseback riding on the beach because he remembered a story I told him once about me loving to ride when I was younger.

We went on an ATV ride to the lighthouse where he surprised me with a picnic lunch. After lunch, we walked along the beach and found it covered in sand washed glass. Sifting through them, he found pieces of teal, turquoise, sky blue, purple, and white in odd shapes. As he stuffed his pockets with the pretty glass, he suggested we'd fill a jar with them to remind us of our time in Cabo.

We spent a lot of time alone enjoying ourselves then we would meet up with the gang for dinner or breakfast in the morning. Everything was more than perfect until we all hung out together at the pool the day before. I couldn't come up with a sensible explanation as to what had changed. Was it love at first sight with that girl at the pool? Did he have enough of a spark to throw everything we had out the window? Nothing made sense to me and I worried more because I had a feeling he wouldn't tell me either way. Really, who in their right mind would admit to cheating unless they were caught red handed?

The loud knock at the door snapped me out of my musings. I grabbed my bag, stepped over Edward, and opened the door the little bit it would open. Alice and Jasper were there and I stepped behind the door so they could step in.

"Fuck! What the fuck did he do?" exclaimed Jasper.

Alice came straight to me and wrapped me in a motherly hug, which started the water works all over again. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on with him, but we'll figure it out together. Okay?" she said while rubbing my back soothingly.

"Alice, can I stay with you tonight?" I begged.

"Alice, take her to our room and I'll stay here with E." Jasper walked over to us and pulled me into a hug. "Bella, I'll stay and make sure Edward doesn't puke and choke on it, okay? Although, I'm sure there's nothing more you want right now." He tried to make me laugh, and if I weren't so heartbroken, I would have.

"Thanks, Jasper."

Alice held onto my hand and guided me to her room. Once we entered, I looked around and decided I'd set up a bed on the sofa. Their bed was rumpled and I couldn't see myself sleeping in there after they probably had sex.

"I'll take the sofa," I said, pointing to the couch. I opened the accordion doors to the closet and pulled out the extra blankets and pillow. I covered the sofa with the yellow crushed velvet-like blanket and used the other to cover myself.

"I need to try and sleep, Alice. If you're ready to get up and need to do stuff please go. I'll be fine here."

"No, no. We just got home a little while ago, so sleep is much needed. Night."

"Night."

~AL~

It was dark in the room when I opened my eyes. I wasn't sure how long I slept. It could have been early morning still or late at night. Either way, my body ached and I wanted to know where the truck was that hit me. I felt as if I didn't sleep enough. So I closed my eyes to go back to sleep without even checking to see the time or if Alice was still in the room or not.

That's when I heard what most likely woke me up. There were voices outside the door, muffled and arguing, annoying the fuck out of me.

"–talk to her."

"Fuck you!"

"Don't be such a dick, I need to see–"

"Go back to your room."

I couldn't make heads or tails of it and I just wanted to sleep and forget it all, so I covered my head with my pillow and went back to sleep.

Someone was shaking me. "Bella, Bella. Wake up."

I opened my eyes and saw a freshly bathed Alice. Her hair was still wet and she didn't have any makeup on.

"No. Go away," I croaked out and rolled to face the back of the sofa.

"Bella, come on, honey. You've been sleeping too long." Alice was rubbing my bicep then she'd shake me a bit only to do it all over again.

"I don't feel good. Please, just let me sleep."

"No, you haven't had anything to eat or drink in over twenty-four hours. You've slept that long, too. Please, get up. We have to pack, because our flight leaves in the morning," she said a little more forcefully while still doing the rub and shake circuits on my arm.

I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. "Alice, what am I going to do?"

"Oh, honey. Let's not worry about that now. Why don't you go take a shower? I'll go get some stuff from your room."

I nodded and began to get up but was moving a bit slower than usual. Drained, my body just wanted to shut down. I looked forward to the feel of the hot water from the shower to relieve my muscles.

I couldn't even think Edward's name without the overwhelming need to cry. I knew deep in my heart that he cheated. I didn't need him to confirm it, not that he would anyway. I was mourning the loss of the love of my life. It was as if someone had died and I needed to accept it. The thing was, I couldn't.

When he got back to the hotel room, I wanted nothing more than to question him and get answers. I didn't get that chance because he was too chicken shit to face me sober or he didn't care enough. Now, I didn't care what he had to say. As far as I was concerned, it was all done. We were done. The pain, the embarrassment that he caused were too much.

I stood under the hot spray of the shower and allowed my tears to mix with the water and wash down the drain. _That was where I needed to push my pain_, I thought as I watched the water swirl around the metal grate and finally flow down in a steep fall nowhere.

I knew Alice expected me to feel better after my shower. Sleep had been the only thing on my mind. What I really needed was to get back home and get back to my life, just Matthew and I, alone again. Another round of tears started just thinking about the relationship Matthew and Edward had formed.

Alice left me some comfortable clothes on the counter in the bathroom and I gratefully put them on. A red tank top with some soft shorts made out of sweat pant material and a pair of flip-flops. _Can't get more comfortable than that!_ I towel dried my hair and brushed out the snarls. Wiping down the mirror, I looked at my face as I began to brush my teeth. My eyes were sunken in and I looked pale. The dark circles under my eyes made me look sick and sallow.

Outside of the bathroom door sat an anxious Alice. She jumped up in an instant and dragged me down to the hotel restaurant to eat. Regardless of how many protests I made, she wouldn't hear of it, I had to eat. I sighed and resigned to her pushy behavior, only because I had no fight in me. I resolved myself to believe I'd just eat and go back to sleep.

I ate very little, not nearly enough to satisfy Alice but she sat and watched me like a hawk. Rose met us downstairs, but the guys were nowhere to be found. That made me feel much better.

"Is Jasper still with Edward?" I asked her.

Rose scoffed. She hadn't said a word yet, but I knew she would. And when that time came, she'd blow like a gasket. Not at me, but at Edward and about the situation as a whole.

Alice looked up from her plate and answered, "Yes."

"I'm sorry, Alice that I ruined your vacation and you haven't spent the last day with him and instead wasted it on us. I'm sure Jasper's not happy about it." I took a sip of the bottled water.

"No, he's not. He's pissed the fuck off at what E did and the way he's been acting since. But you have to know he's not upset at you at all." She shook her head. "You've done nothing wrong. So don't worry about things like that. Okay?" She looked up at me with her sad, sorry eyes. So much pity in them and it only made me feel worse. More embarrassed. I didn't want anyone's pity. I didn't want this to happen at all, but I it wasn't my choice.

After seeing that look in Alice's eyes. I resolved to straighten up and deal with the situation handed me. I'd still feel the pain it caused, but that wouldn't serve me anything but a waste of time. I needed to concentrate on what was important. Matthew and me.

Rose's eyes, though, had fire in them. She was furious, her nostrils would flare and the noises she made as she ate just fueled her own fire. I looked up at her, waiting for her to say something. She caught my eye and shook her head.

"What are you going to do?" she asked me in a confrontational manner. I knew that she had an idea of what she'd want me to do, and she was looking to confirm it.

I shrugged. "Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing? You're just going to forgive him?" She slammed down her fork on her plate. The clatter called attention to several surrounding diners.

"No! Not at all. But there's nothing to be done except carry on. It's over. I can't be with someone who would do what he did whether he cheated or not. But in my gut, I know he did. There's no other explanation." It was my turn to spit fire. Did she think I was that much of an idiot? That I'd act like nothing happened and just walk back into his arms like all was forgiven. Hell, no!

~AL~

The next morning was horrible. All six of us piled into a taxi and made our way to the airport. Edward didn't speak to me or look at me. We spent the entire trip home separated like children. The guys sat together and the girls sat with me.

The hurt burned me from the inside that he didn't even try to explain or apologize, but what did I expect? And at the same time, I was happy that he didn't try and approach me. I guess I wanted the answers but not the confrontation.

Leah picked me up from the airport and I begged her to take me directly to Matthew. We stopped at Mike's mother's house and when Matthew came out he ran right to me.

"Mama!" he yelled. I swooped him up and hugged him so close. His scent calmed and warmed me from the inside out. His little arms wrapped around my neck and he rested his head on my shoulder. "_Casa_?"

"_Si, baby, a la casa_."

When we entered the house, I was happy to see nothing had changed. Leah watched me closely and I wondered if one of the girls had called her.

"I'm glad you're home. Do you want to talk about–you know?"

I smiled up at her from my perch on the sofa. Matthew snuggled on my lap as we just sat there absorbing each other's love.

"No, I'm good. Just happy to be home. I'll be all right, no worries."

I knew I didn't sound convincing at all. And truthfully, who knew if I'd be all right. I'd have to take it one day at a time.

**~AL~**


	11. Be Honest With Me

**~AL~**

**Be Honest With Me**

**April 1996**

**~AL~**

"That's it! You've sulked long enough and it's time for you to get out of bed. Now!" said my, all of a sudden, friend Rose.

"Seriously Bella. This has been going on too long." That was Alice. I kept my eyes shut.

And as I figured, Rose was on my bed shaking the shit out of me. "Bella, you look like shit. We're worried about you. All you've done is sleep, barely eat, and go to work. And the only time I've seen half alive is when Matthew is home."

God, these women were a bunch of annoying twats and I was just not in the mood.

Still with my eyes closed, I said, "You guys need to get the fuck out of here. Leave me alone, I need to sleep."

Rose scoffed and clicked her tongue. "Sleep? It's three o'clock in the afternoon. You've been in bed since last night."

_Shit, really? Had I slept that long? _

Ever since we returned from Cabo a month ago, I had been so tired. The desire to go out or spend time with any of my friends was nonexistent. I hadn't seen Edward since we left Cabo. Our shifts were always the same. Although, since we'd been home, I hadn't seen him at work once. I thought he was purposely avoiding me.

I tried calling him several times but he never answered, which was frustrating because I wanted closure. He owed me an explanation. However, I wasn't going to hold my breath because it hadn't happened yet and he'd had a whole month to talk to me. I was just so disappointed and hurt over what happened and how he handled it.

I mourned the loss of future plans we had. He bought us tickets to see Maná in concert. We were going to take Matthew to Disneyland together. We had made short-term plans, but they were our future plans. And it was all thrown away as if it had never mattered to begin with. All that gone and over what?

"Rose, seriously. Please just give me tonight. Tomorrow I have to work and I'll be as good as new. Please. I beg you, just one more night," I said as I curled myself into a ball, snuggling into my bed.

"Bitch, that's it. This is your last day of this bullshit. Tomorrow I better see you back to normal. No more moping," Rose threatened and I heard the front door close as they left.

**~AL~**

The next morning I woke up chanting positive things to convince myself that I was going to be okay. I figured if I repeated them and said them out loud, I'd believe them.

"I'm a strong independent woman and I don't need a man. I feel good, look good, and I am good. I'm a strong independ–"

"What in the world are you saying, and who are you talking to?"

I turned to find an amused Leah watching me as if I was insane. I started cracking up. I was losing my mind.

I looked her straight in the eye. "I'm being positive. I'm starting a new day and I need to snap out of this funk."

"Well, it's about time. Hey, I wanted to ask you. My brother's having a party next Friday night and I want you to go with me." I stood in the kitchen listening to Leah. "So, will you … go?" she asked with a squeak to her voice. She was afraid I would say no, since that's all I had been saying lately.

"What kind of party?"

She turned around to make some coffee and I stared at her. I wanted to know what she was inviting me to. A kid's party? A family event? Or a party, party? Like with booze, music, and dancing?

"Oh, um, just a party. All of my brothers and my sister will be there. And I'm sure their friends are going as well. I'm going to invite the girls, too."

I thought for a moment and figured why not? It was time I moved on and put into practice the thought Edward and I were over.

"Yeah, I'll go." Her eyes went wide in surprise with my reply. She turned back to the coffee. "Make enough for me, too, yeah? Please."

"Of course. You work tonight?" she asked.

"Yeah, at fourteen-thirty," I answered. "You?"

"Yeah, same time. You want to carpool?"

"Sure, let's stop at the Seven-Eleven on the way to work. I want to buy a lottery ticket."

"Okay," she said as she pulled out two mugs from the cabinet. A minute later the coffee machine beeped. I sprang over to the direction of the liquid gold and poured myself a nice big mug of it.

"Mmmmm," I hummed to myself. First sip was always the best and the coffee was just what I needed to wake up fully. I wanted to clean my room a bit before work and straighten up the house.

**~AL~**

Time went by way too fast, and we had to leave for work. It truly only took us less than ten minutes to get to the airport, but since I wanted to stop we had to leave a bit earlier. Leah drove and I just stared out the window. Before I knew it, Leah was pulling into the parking lot of Seven-Eleven.

"Do you want anything?" I just wanted to run in real quick.

"No, thanks."

I nodded. "Okay, I'll be right back."

I walked into the store on a mission and didn't pay attention to anything or anyone around me. I stood in front of the counter waiting to be helped. There was no one there. I looked behind me to see if I could spot the guy that usually worked there, and my heart dropped to my shoes.

Looking into the eyes of Peter, Edward's roommate, made me nervous and I wondered if Edward was with him. My eyes bounced around and I didn't see him, so I looked at Peter's face. He was just as shocked to see me. I decided to speak first since we were standing there in a Mexican standoff.

"Hey,"

"Hey," he repeated.

"He's not with you, is he?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"I've been trying to call him and he won't take my calls. I wanted to know what was up with the concert." I wanted to know a lot more than that, but I couldn't tell Peter that.

Peter's eyebrows rose and he looked confused.

"We already went to the concert," he said, looking super nervous.

That was it. That was my tell-all. He wanted to take me to that concert because Maná's songs were special to us. He dedicated one of their songs to me, and he went to see them without me. Wow!

"Did he go alone?" Crap, I didn't mean to ask, because I knew Peter wouldn't answer me honestly. That was Edward's friend, not mine. Loyalty, bro's code and all the shit.

"No, he took some girl, Tanya I think her name was." He shrugged like it was no big deal.

And that was all it took. Heat traveled from my feet straight to my face, I could feel the anger and hurt taking over me. I ran out of there before I did something I'd regret.

I pulled the door of the car open and jumped in ready to go. "Let's go, please," I begged.

Leah sat there looking at me with pure confusion crossing her face. "What's wro–"

"Please, Leah. I'll tell you in a moment, just go. Now. Please."

My breathing picked up and I began to hyperventilate a little. I bent forward and rested my head between my knees. I was going to pass out or have an anxiety attack or both.

That news was more than I could handle. Just when I decided to move on and let go, I find out he'd been seeing that fucking boyfriend stealer from Cabo. Oh my god! I can't.

"Jesus, Bella. What is it? You're scaring me."

"Leah, I don't even know if I can work tonight. God, you have no idea what I just found out," I said between big gulps of breath. I needed to slow my breathing down. My feet and hands were beginning to tingle, first noticeable sign of hyperventilating.

"What is it? What did you find out?"

I felt the car stop and I slowly raised my head and saw we were in the employee parking lot. I glanced at the clock and we had a few minutes before the bus came.

I turned my head to look at her. "Peter was in there and I asked him about the concert. I thought it was coming up, but I guess it already passed. Anyway, Peter said, Edward went with a girl named Tanya. That's the girl from Cabo."

I breathed in for a count of five and out for five. I watched Leah gape at me as I counted my breaths. I didn't even have time to truly process that horrible news before I saw the bus pull up to the stop. I grabbed my bag and jumped out of the car. My nervous energy was pulsating through my veins. I heard Leah's door shut and her footsteps directly behind me.

**~AL~**


	12. A Change is Gonna Do Me Good

**~AL~**

**A Change is Gonna Do Me Good**

**April 1996**

**~AL~**

I wrinkled my nose at the nasty smell that woke me from a deep sleep. I rolled over and heard what made that smell. Shotgun pops shot out of Matthew's butt in rapid succession that instantly stunk up the room. I stifled my laugh as to not wake him, but I couldn't help it. His little body was facing me while he lay on his side. His face was a picture of tranquility and the innocence of childhood. That right there was all I needed to be happy.

This past week had been more difficult than the time after we returned from Cabo. I not only called Edward and left several messages, but I also went looking for him at his house. He never answered his phone or his door. It was probably due to the fact that every time I called him, I'd left irate, nasty voicemails. But really, I deserved an explanation.

The more I thought about our whole relationship, and what might have led him astray, I realized one of the biggest problems was we jumped from one relationship to another. We had no time to discover ourselves as single people. Our instant attraction to one another was unavoidable but we should have been smarter about it. I felt as if we sabotaged our relationship before we even had a chance.

And in all honesty, I wasn't making excuses him for what he did. I was super hurt and pissed about that and was not in the mind of forgiveness at the moment. Or ever. Who knew? I couldn't predict the future, but either way, we couldn't even get there until we talked about it. And that led me to another thought: did he figure he broke up with me by disappearing that night in Cabo? I mean, in his eyes was that it? Ugh! I had to stop this train of thought because it served as nothing but reliving the pain.

Matthew was snoring away, so I snuck out of bed and went to the kitchen. I needed coffee. I had a long day planned. I was taking my baby to the park and then he was going to his daddy's house. Leah was dragging me to her brother's party. Alice and Rose were going as well so I supposed that made it a little better. That way I wouldn't have to hear their bitching and moaning anymore for walking around like a zombie lately.

**~AL~**

"What are you wearing, Leah?" I yelled from the bathroom.

A few seconds later she stood in the doorway to show me her very skimpy, but very cute, mini dress. It was black with silver thread sewn throughout to make it sparkle. The dress was short but looked fabulous on her because she had such long thin legs.

I looked in the mirror to see the curl that I made with the curling iron. It looked good.

"Okay, so what are you doing with your hair?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I was hoping you'd help me."

I nodded, as I grabbed another chunk of hair to wind in the curling iron.

"You'll do my make up?" I asked, and laughed. We were so pathetic and could barely get ready on our own. Hey, but wasn't that what girls did? Got ready in groups?

"Are the girls coming here or are we meeting them somewhere?" I asked.

Leah looked at her watch and said, "They should be here any minute. We're all driving together."

The banging on the steel security door rattled the house. Leah ran to open it and the girls poured in. My hair and make up were done and all I had to do was throw on a dress and shoes.

Rose and Alice were in my room within seconds with a twelve pack of Heinekens in hand. Popping a few open and passing them around, Rose gave me the once over.

"You're looking better."

I shrugged, not because I was actually feeling better, but because I had no choice in the matter. Life went on and I had to go along with it. I had too many responsibilities and a small boy that depended on me. No time to drown in my sorrow. I was sort of looking forward to this party. New people, new crowd, and I didn't have to worry about running into Edward or our mutual friends.

"You girls ready to have fun tonight?" Leah asked as she sauntered into my room. She picked up a beer and took the bottle opener to pop the top off. She guzzled that shit in a second.

"Damn, girl, you lush!" I laughed. "Hey, I need help picking out a dress. Look I have this one or that one," I said, pointing to a cute black mini dress with a halter tie around the neck or a red dress that went to my knees and had spaghetti straps.

Everyone pointed to the black dress. I nodded and threw it on. I dug out my four inch dancing shoes. They had a five-inch heel, an ankle strap, and two thin straps across the toes. And they were perfect for dancing. Comfortable and worn in so I didn't have to worry about blisters or sore feet.

Between the four of us, we finished off the twelve pack of beer and jumped into Leah's car. The music was blaring and the four of us were dancing in our seats. The small buzz we had going on lifted our spirits, getting us into party mode.

Forty-five minutes later and we were pulling up to a huge, dark brown two-story house. The driveway and street were packed with cars. Leah parked right in front of the driveway, blocking it. Piling out of the car, we walked to the front door.

Leah didn't even knock on the door; instead she opened the door and walked right in. People were gathered in every inch of the house. The music was loud and Celia Cruz pumped through the speakers. Small groups of guests gathered as they sipped their drinks and moved to the music between conversations.

Leah forged forward, while the three of us followed behind her. I watched as Leah's head moved back and forth in search of someone. Finally she stopped in front of a tall man with light brown hair. That was all I could see so far, as he was bent over speaking into the ear of the guy standing next to him. His sister stood in front of him with her hands on her hips, waiting for him to notice her.

As soon as he looked up my breath caught. He was handsome and my eyes locked on his face. I scanned every inch of it and without even realizing it, comparing it to Edward's. Their features were completely different, but they were equally gorgeous. Paul's skin was pale and his eyes a very light green with a lot of gold flecks in them. His hair looked thick and a bit puffy, almost frizzy. His bone structure was strong and defined and perfect. His perfect sized nose was a bit crooked as if it had been broken before. He really looked nothing like Leah at all.

"Bella, this is my brother Paul," said Leah while she elbowed me. I missed the introductions.

I diverted my eyes from his face to look at Leah and her lips were formed in a knowing smirk. She did this on purpose as if she knew I'd found this man attractive. Was this her way of trying to get me to move on? I narrowed my eyes at her and look at Paul again.

I didn't want to be rude so I held out my hand toward him. "Hi, Paul. Nice to meet you."

His hand wrapped around mine and it almost felt wrong. Regardless of how incredibly good-looking he was, I wasn't ready to move on.

"Thank you, you too," he said and he held my hand just a beat too long. I wiggled it out of his grasp and looked at Leah again. I knew my face showed my panic. I didn't want this to be a set up. I didn't want to be stuck with this guy all night.

"You girls want something to drink?" Paul asked.

"Sure, thanks," Rose and Alice answered.

"Great. Bella would you like to give me hand?" Paul looked at me and then the other girls. "We'll be right back. Wait right here."

They nodded and parted so Paul could steer me toward the drinks. He placed his hand on my lower back to guide me and it felt strange having another man touching me that way. We walked through the dining room into his kitchen. It was spacious and beautiful and looked like it was set up for a professional chef. The drinks were setup nicely on the beautiful island in the middle.

We stood staring at all the bottles of liquor lined up on the island; I tried to decide what I wanted.

"So, what would you like to drink?"

"Um, Barcardi and Coke?" I said in a questioning tone.

"Okay, I've got that. How about for your friends?"

"Oh, um, the same, I guess." I shrugged not really caring what they wanted. But I knew they liked Rum anyway.

He nodded and began scooping the ice into four cups, then measure the Barcardi and topped it with Coke. While he did that, we engaged in small talk.

"So, how long have you known my sister?"

"For a few months now. We met at work and hit it off. I needed a roommate and she was ready to move on her own." I tapped my fingers on the island.

"Yeah, my parents couldn't believe she was actually moving out. They would have been happy if she stayed at home forever. You know, she's the baby in the family and they didn't want to let her go." A laugh escaped him and his eyes lit up. God, he really was good-looking.

"I was surprised she still lived at home. I moved out when I was eighteen. I guess I'm just too independent."

"She's learning from living with you. We talk often. We're the closest out of all of our siblings, but since she moved out, she's been growing. I'm proud of her."

He was genuinely happy for her and it showed all over his face. He was very expressive. As I watched him, I saw every emotion pass so clearly across his face. The complete opposite from Edward, he hid every emotion until he wanted you to know it.

When he finished with the drinks we carried them to the girls. A few guys surrounded the three of them. Right as we got close enough, Rose threw her head back and laughed with such gusto.

"What did I miss?" I asked with curiosity.

Through a fit of giggles, Alice explained that Leah's other brother was telling them a funny story about her. Leah's dark skin was flushed red. They must have embarrassed her. I looked at the guys standing there to see which one she was talking about. Bingo! Now, this brother looked exactly like Leah, except he was about four inches shorter than her.

In trying to get her brother to stop telling everyone her most embarrassing stories, she interrupted him to introduce us.

"Bella, this is my brother, Quil." She pointed to the shorter guy, and then she pointed to another tall but very built guy and said, "This is also my brother, Embry and that is their friend, Art." I nodded, waved, and greeted everyone.

We stood around for a while talking and getting to know one another, but Paul seemed to stick the closest to me. He'd elaborate on a story or two that was being told by whispering in my ear or he'd touch me in a way that didn't seem out of place or obvious but sort of was. Either that or I was just hyper aware of his presence and wary of his intentions.

Whoever was in charge of the music was doing a great job. I couldn't help dancing in place as we all chitchatted, but so were Rose and Alice. When _Matador_ by Los Fabulosos Cadillacs came on we just started outright dancing. We grabbed Leah to induct her into our dance group and showed her our dance moves. The guys all backed up and watched with their eyes bulging and their mouths hanging low.

We'd stomp our feet to the beat of the music during the chorus. With one foot in front of the other we'd sway back and forth, transferring our weight between our feet. Our hands were clapping and waving furiously around. A little alcohol and great music was a sure fire way to loosen me up.

After that we danced the rest of the night away. Paul danced with me a few times and I mostly accepted to not be rude. And as good looking as this guy was, I was not willing to jump into the arms of another guy. No way. My heart, even though it was broken, belonged to Edward.

**~AL~**

Leah, who was the designated driver and only had one drink, drove us home. Alice and Rose headed straight for the sofa in the living room and passed out. When I got to my room and began to strip, trying not to fall over from all the booze, I noticed the answering machine's light flashing.

I sat on my bed to pull off my shoes and pushed the button to play the messages.

There was a beep then the electronic voice said, "Friday, April twenty-sixth at nine forty-five." A male's voice started to speak and I prayed between it being Edward and not. I was too afraid of what he'd have to say if it was him and hoped that he'd tell me everything was all right.

But, it was Peter.

"Bella, I'm making the rounds. We're having a party tomorrow night at the house. Everyone's invited. I just spoke with Emmett and Jasper and they're bringing Rose and Alice. I want you and Leah to come. All righty, I'll see you then."

I felt the color drain from my face. Looking up, I saw Leah standing in my doorway; she'd heard the message.

"We're going. You guys can't hide from this problem anymore. You're going to face him head on and we'll be there to support you. We've got your back." Her face was set like stone and her hands deliberately on her hips. She was determined to help me resolve this issue, but was I ready?

I shook my head back and forth, my hair swishing with the rapid movement. "No, no, no! I'm not going. I'm not ready," I chanted until I began to sob into my hands.

Ignorance was bliss. I didn't want to hear him tell me it was over. I wanted to live in my head with the idea that perhaps it was all a misunderstanding. I didn't want there to be a chance I'd see him with that other girl and have all my dreams crushed before my very eyes. It was all too much and I wasn't ready for any of it.

**~AL~**

**Let me know what you all think by reviewing below. :) Thanks everyone! **


	13. Give it Up

**All right, so I know I said I'd probably not post an EPOV... Well, I decided to post this as it fits here perfectly. I wrote this last year for a fundraiser and didn't intend to post it here, but I wanted to surprise all of you. So, here's my gift to you for hanging in there and being so patient with me. Be gentle with Edward. He's a mess. **

**~AL~**

**Give it Up**

**April 1996**

**~ AL ~**

"Hey, she keeps calling me and asking me questions about you. What do you want me to tell her? Or, better yet, why don't you call her yourself," said Peter exasperated with Bella's calling him all the time lately.

I sighed in frustration because this situation was messed up and it was my entire fault. "Don't tell her shit. Just … just don't answer her calls anymore," I answered.

He shrugged his shoulders exaggerating the gesture a bit more than he needed to. "Dude, whatever. It's your problem and better you than me."

I frowned, shaking my head at him. Fucker! He was being all smug; the only thing I could do lately was sit around and mope.

I fucked up. I knew I did but, honestly, it was bound to happen; maybe not the cheating part, but the desire to be sure that we were really_ it_ for each other. We both came out of other relationships directly to another serious relationship. I was always worried that because she was young, she'd regret settling down with me and want to live a little. She had been with Mike since she was in high school; what if she realized she didn't want to be tied down again so soon?

Then, there was my problem of needing to breathe a bit and make sure she was _it_ for _me_. I thought I was in love before when I was married, but that didn't work out how I thought it would. It was devastating for me to have a failed marriage, to know that my ex-wife found someone she thought was better than me. She cheated and ended up leaving me for him.

I remembered getting ready to leave and file for divorce; she came home begging me to give her another chance. I did, but it only blew up in my face, as she decided to go with the home wrecker after all. I was left with egg on my face, like an idiot. I was so pissed because I hurt Bella in the process of that mess, as well.

But this one was all me. I hurt her and did to her exactly what my ex-wife did to me. Now, she'd moved on and, even though she'd been calling me every day and leaving me voicemails begging me to talk to her and cussing me out, I can't get myself to do it. I'm ashamed of myself and don't know what to say to her.

I'd been avoiding her at all costs. I even made sure that I didn't work at all when she was there for risk of running into her. I looked like shit … Peter said I was a mess and it wasn't any secret. People at work had noticed that Bella and I weren't talking, and we're not attached at the hip anymore. Their words, not mine.

Right after our trip to Vegas, I had bought us tickets to a Maná concert and, instead, I took the girl I met in Cabo. Fucked up, I knew it. She'd never forgive me now when she found out. That's also what she'd been calling Peter about. She wanted to know who I took to the concert and, honestly, I thought he told her who it was just to get her to let go once and for all.

I found out from Emmett and Jasper that Bella was dating Leah's brother. Nothing serious I heard but, nonetheless, she was moving on. That, more than anything hurt me. And, although she continued to call me, I knew she was spending her free time with another man. That burned me inside. It made me furious.

Of course, the guys had a ton of information from their girls, and they said Bella hadn't even introduced this guy to Matthew. I was relieved for some reason. God, I missed that little guy.

Peter's voice broke me from my thoughts. "Oh, and FYI, we're having a party on Saturday night here and I invited everyone. So, don't be surprised if she shows up."

"What? Why?" Jesus. Was he serious with this shit?

**~AL~**

Three days later, our house was packed with people. I began drinking before people started arriving, and was feeling quite good. Emmett and Jasper were walking toward me and I tensed. My back stiffened as I eyed behind them looking for the girls.

"Hey, man. What's up?" Emmett asked, giving me a manly smack on the back. Jasper just gave me his usual half shake and fist bump.

"Yo! What's up?" asked Jasper. I flicked my eyes to them and then back behind them, searching for the girls. I didn't want to get caught off guard.

Jasper cleared his throat. "You all right, man?"

I finally looked at him and said, "Yeah, I'm fine. Where are the girls?" My eyes wandered again.

Emmett laughed. "Seriously? You have to ask?" He shook his head. "They're at your mom's house, getting ready. You know how Alice has to make a huge production every time they go out."

Well, I guessed they'd be here later. I didn't want to ask if Bella was coming. They didn't mention her name so I decided not to either. But I really wanted to know.

"Yeah, believe me, I know," I snorted. "So, what do you want to drink?" I pointed over to the area behind me where Peter had a bar set up. "There's a bar over there and whatever you want to drink." I began walking over there, hoping they'd follow.

While I freshened up my beer, I saw Emmett go behind the bar, pull out the bottle of tequila, and pour shots. Fuck! I wasn't a good tequila drinker. I could go from zero to fucked up with one shot, especially with all the beer I'd been drinking.

I didn't know how many hours later or how many shots later, but when the hair on the back of my neck began to stand on end, I knew Bella had arrived. I could sense her; feel her in the same vicinity as me. I slowly turned around, scanning the room nonchalantly, hoping she wasn't looking at me. I honestly did not want to meet her eyes. I just wanted to get a look at her and ignore her existence. Yeah, I knew I was acting like a dick. I had done her wrong and I was the one pissed she was seeing someone else.

I extracted myself from the conversation I had been in with Peter and his girlfriend, Charlotte. My body turned of its own volition and, just like a moth to a flame, my eyes instantly found her. She was still near the front door, speaking intently with her head so close to Rosalie and Alice that they looked like conjoined triplets.

She was beautiful as usual, but even more so because it had been a while since I'd seen her. The navy blue pants she had on were so low on her hips and snug around her ass that I found myself groaning. It looked like she lost a bit of weight, actually losing some of her gorgeous curves. But, it didn't matter, she would always be stunning to me.

I had a feeling that she sensed me just as much as I sensed her, because she looked right at me. Our eyes locked for a split second before she turned back to the girls, her face flaming red. By the expression on her face, I knew it was from anger and not embarrassment. She had to have known I was going to be here; I mean, I lived here, for God's sake.

Since she had already seen me looking at her, I kept watching her, unabashedly. Watching the small, shimmering tank top sparkle every time she moved, I remembered what it was like touching the soft skin on her stomach. God! I automatically bit my knuckle while watching her plump ass. Even with the weight loss, her ass was juicy and perky.

I missed her more than she would ever know, and I regretted what I did more than anyone would ever know. If she ever gave me the chance, I'd spend the rest of my life making it up to her. But, I doubted that would ever happen, as I believed she had already moved on.

I watched as her discussion with the girls turned a bit heated. Her fists were tensing and her spine was rigid. She almost looked like she was going to stomp her foot; instead, she turned on her heel and walked out the front door.

My feet moved without my permission, taking me right out the front door after her. I spotted her right away, sitting on the block wall that bordered the house. I saw a red and orange ember burning and I wondered when she had started smoking. I just watched her for a few moments before I ruined her peace.

I walked the few paces left to get to her, her head snapping up. She threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, twisting the ball of her foot back and forth a few times. "When did you start smoking?" I asked casually, although I was a mess on the inside.

She lifted her chin defiantly, her eyes squinted. She was pissed; more than pissed. "What the fuck do you care?" She stood up and pushed past me. Without thinking, I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to face me. She tried to jerk her arm from me but I was holding on tightly.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" she growled. I had her left wrist in my left hand so she wasn't directly in front of me, but she was turned enough that I could see her face. "I said, let go!" she yelled, with a swift kick to my shin.

I could see the fury building in her eyes and her body. Her fists balled up and she was preparing herself for a fight. I laughed and that only made her angrier. Acting calm and cool, I sipped my beer and then felt a hard blow to the left side of my face. The cup fell out of my hand and, instinctively, I let go of her to reach for my face. "Fuck!" I charged at her.

She took a step back like she was retreating but then braced herself for a fight. I grabbed her by the biceps and shook her. "So, I hear you're dating someone!" I sneered.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Edward? I mean, seriously! You! You, of all people, have _no right_ to ask me anything about my love life at all!" she yelled, trying to pull out of my grasp. I wasn't ready to let her go - ever. "I need to go! I shouldn't have come! Just let go, please, I need to go!" She was shaking her head back and forth as tears rolled down her face. Her lips were quivering. She lowered her head and whispered, "Please, let me go. You've done enough."

I remained confused and unmoving. Her pleas were hitting me directly in the heart, but I wanted to be near her. I wasn't sure I could let her go again. "Did you find someone better than me? Is that what you wanted? Someone with more money … a better car?" I taunted.

When her head snapped back up, I saw the fire in her eyes again. Struggling to get away, I held tighter and failed to see her knee traveling up to my balls. I bent over and wrapped one arm around my waist while the other cupped my poor dick. I couldn't breathe and a sharp pain ran right through my groin. "You fucking bitch!" I yelled.

She was walking away. "Fuck you, too, cheating asshole!" Then, she was gone.

I _was_ an asshole. Instead of just trying to have a normal conversation with her, I had to start shit. I was just so angry and thought if I blamed it all on her, I'd feel better. The truth was that nothing could erase the guilt and anger I felt at myself. Sitting where she was when I first spotted her, I held my head in my hands.

I needed to get her back, but I had to do it the right way. I was going to give her time to date and have some time without me, while to fixed myself first. Because, when I _did_ get her back, I wanted it to be the best version of myself, and for forever. She deserved the best and I wasn't quite ready yet, not to mention the fact that I doubted she'd even forgive me anytime soon.

I'd place myself back into her life little by little; maybe work a shift a week with her and gradually build up, so she'd get used to seeing me around. I'd have to prove to her my sincerity and genuineness in my desire to be with her for always.

**~ AL ~**

**Okay, so these are Edward's thoughts in the state of dismay that he's in. They are neither his real excuses for cheating or anything he'd ever say to Bella. He's talking out of his ass. He's drunk and still confused about what he did. Just saying. **

**I want everyone to know, I don't take reviews that beat up my characters as an attack against me. I understand that characters can incite strong feelings and that for me is a good thing. Whether you hate them or love them, my job is to make you feel. My point ... Don't feel the need to leave a Guest review to tell me you hate Edward. I won't cuss you out or send you hate mail. I'll thank you for your honest opinion and thank you for reading as much as you did. I hate Guest reviews for the fact that I can't tell you that. And if you feel the need to stop reading, then, truly, thanks for making it this far. I knew many wouldn't make it because of the premise. That's all. ;) **

**You know what to do! Let me hear it! **


	14. Hold Back the Tears

**~AL~**

**Hold Back the Tears**

**April 1996**

**~ AL ~**

How Alice and Rose thought something good was going to come out of this, I didn't know. The whole idea of seeing Edward for the first time at a party, in his house, was just preposterous. It was insane, but I went along with it for my own guilty pleasure or pain, depending on how you looked at it.

I was a glutton for punishment, I supposed. Edward's face was fading from my memory and it was disconcerting. However, regardless of the fact that I wanted to see him, I knew it was going to end badly. We were two passionate people with strong attitudes and mix that with alcohol at a party … it wasn't the best decision I'd ever made.

The minute I walked in the door, I wanted to turn around and walk right back out. The house opened up into the living room and it was full of people in small groups. The girls were convincing me to stay for a while longer, but I was adamant about leaving. While arguing with them, I felt it. Someone was watching me. Well, not someone, Edward was watching me. I knew it. So, I braced myself and turned to find him. He stood by the bar in the corner of the room with Charlotte and Peter. Our eyes met and I could see the affects of alcohol in his eyes, as well as the exhaustion. He had circles under those once bright and sparkling green eyes, now they were dull and jaded.

Well, I was no different. I knew I wore my pain and suffering on my face. But I wondered what caused that look in his eyes. _Did he miss me? Or was it from partying too much?_

I shook those thoughts right out of my head and told the girls I was going to step outside and smoke. The worst habit ever, but my nerves were shot and I bought a pack on the way to this stupid party. Usually, I was a social smoker, but I really needed them now.

Sure enough, I couldn't catch a break at all, because as soon as I sat down and lit my cigarette, Edward strolled out in all his drunken glory. What I didn't expect was him to be so cruel. I'd seem him curt and unintentionally rude at times, but tonight his behavior was something I'd never expected from him. His words confused me and his actions enraged me.

"So, I hear you're dating someone!" he sneered.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Edward? I mean, seriously! You! You, of all people, have _no right_ to ask me anything about my love life at all!" I yelled.

He gripped my wrist and held me to the side of him. I was able to clock him in the jaw so he'd release me, but he managed to grab onto me again.

"I need to go! I shouldn't have come! Just let go, please, I need to go!" I was shaking my head back and forth as tears rolled down my face. I lowered my head and whispered–pleaded, "Please, let me go. You've done enough."

"Did you find someone better than me? Is that what you wanted? Someone with more money … a better car?" he taunted.

God, he had a way of hurting me to the bone. People could call me names, insult me, and hurt me, and it would never pierce me the way his words did. Everything he said meant so much to me. So for him to suggest I was dating someone else was ridiculous.

I had no idea why he wanted to hang on to me–to keep me close–when all I wanted to do was run. Being that close to him was pure torture, because he was not the same man I had fallen in love with. He suddenly turned into this alternate, tortured persona that was completely unfamiliar to me. It happened right before my eyes, yet I had no idea why.

So, with his hands wrapped tightly around my biceps, I kneed him in the balls. It must have hurt pretty badly, because he called me a bitch. Well, that was laughable. I'd been called worse by better. But it gained me my escape and I made my way down the street to my car.

Thank goodness I had my own car and didn't have to depend on the girls to get home. I tried to go as fast as I could in my heels down hill, but it was difficult. The effort was wasted anyway, as I heard Edward behind me calling my name. I didn't turn around or stop, just kept going toward my car. However, I knew he'd catch up to me. He had the advantage over me since I had these damn shoes on that made me feel like I was going to fall head over feet.

Finally arriving at my car, I threw myself against it to break my downward momentum. Then I just waited for Edward to catch up to me. Looking over my shoulder, I noticed he was only a few steps behind me. There was no escaping. I wouldn't have been able to make it around my car in time.

"What? What could you possibly want with me? After all you've done to me, can't you just let me go?" I said. I turned around to face him, leaning against my car. My whole body sagged in resignation at this whole situation. I felt so defeated, so beat up emotionally.

My words must have stung him, because he jerked back as if he was slapped. _Good!_ Maybe he'd feel just a portion of the pain he caused me.

"I-I'm sorry." He waved his left hand toward his house, behind him. "Back there, I mean. I didn't mean those things I said. I didn't mean to hurt you," he said.

I scoffed. "You didn't mean to hurt me tonight? In Cabo? Or when you took some whore to our concert? Not that I care about the fucking concert, Edward. It's what the concert meant. The words you sang to me and how they supposedly expressed exactly how you felt about me? Remember these words?

"Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin aire.

Cómo quisiera vivir sin agua.

Me encantaría.

Querete un poco menos.

Cómo quisiera poder vivir sin ti," I recited a few lines from the song.

His hand went to his chest and he stumbled back. I didn't give him a chance to answer me.

"You betrayed me in the worst way ever. You embarrassed me in front of our friends and your sister. And after all of that, you didn't have the balls to talk to me about it. You're a coward. A liar. A _cheat_," I spat the last word at him.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. "What would have been a good explanation? I didn't have one. I fucked up, Bella. In the worst way and then the guys told me if I spoke to you again, they'd have my ass. By the time we got back, I just felt it was best if I didn't bother you again. It was all done and I knew I hurt you so badly and I couldn't take it back. So, what was the point of rehashing it?" He was pleading for me to understand, but I just couldn't.

"An explanation would have been nice. You at least owed me the courtesy of an official break up. You know, 'Hey, I'm obviously a cheating liar and I just wanted you to know it's over' would have been a start." I rubbed my temples. A migraine was coming on and I just wanted to go home to sleep. "Oh, and what the hell were you talking about with all that shit about me dating someone?"

"Yeah, Leah's brother. The guys told me you were dating him."

I shook my head in disbelief. Those guys, bless their hearts, they had good intentions but I didn't need their help. Adding lies to the fire just made things worse in the end.

"Look, I don't owe you any explanation here and what I do is no longer your concern. You threw away that right when you left me alone in our hotel room, on our vacation, to fuck another woman. But just so it's clear, in case you forgot what type of person I am, I am not dating anyone else. I don't just jump from guy to guy. I left a really shitty relationship to be with you, but it doesn't mean I make a habit of doing that. What we _had_, to me, was the real deal."

I watched as the tension in his jaw eased a little. His relief in my lack of moving on sent chills down my spine. _Men and their double standards._

"I'm sorry. I can't do anything right. I just keep fucking this up." He grabbed at his hair. "Look, there's something I want to ask you, a favor of sorts–"

I cut him off, not able to hold in the burning questions that had been running through my mind. "I need to know. Are you still seeing that girl?"

"What? No! Shit, Bella. _Puta madre!_ I just took her to the concert because I had the extra ticket and no one to take."

"Did you fuck her?"

"Tha–That's what you think?" He shook his head back and forth. He moved closer so he was standing just a few feet in front of me.

"Oh, my god, Edward. What else am I supposed to think? You spent the night with her, took her to our concert, and who knows what else. For all I know, you've spent every night with her since we've been back," I shouted.

"You want to know details? That's just wrong."

"Look, I can't entertain this conversation anymore. If we can't talk and be honest with each other then there's no sense in us spending another moment going over this. Yes, I want to know details. I need these details, because the torture of what my mind can conjure up is worse than anything that could happen in real life. The images …" I couldn't even finish that thought. He had no idea the pain he caused me.

He looked down, rubbing a hand across his forehead, while he listened to me. He raised his head and I saw the moisture glistening in his eyes from the light of the streetlamp. I had to look away. I didn't want to see his pain. He didn't deserve my sympathy.

"I hate that I did this to you and that I gave you reason to doubt me. Regardless of what I tell you, it won't change what I did. But I want you to know that without a doubt, I didn't sleep with her. But I still fucked up." He sighed heavily and moved next to me to lean against the car. "I can't talk about this anymore right now. Maybe someday, you'll let me explain. Well, when I figure out what the hell I was thinking. I just don't even know and I don't have any answers. Look, let's save this for another day. I do need to ask you about that favor, though."

I stood there quietly, tears streaming down my face. My words were stuck in my throat with no hope of escape. I was silent in my pain, drowning in the depths of his words. For my own sanity, I needed to talk this out with him at some point. I'd like to know why and, with a level head, I'd like to tell him what his actions did to me. We both needed closure.

The fog was rolling in and the wet wispy clouds felt moist on my skin. The temperature dropped and I felt the cold deep in my bones. Most likely, it had nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with my pain that racked my body from the inside out.

I cleared my throat to croak out a few words. "What's the favor?"

"I'd like to see Matthew, with your permission and supervision of course, but I miss him. I don't want what's going on between you and me to destroy the relationship between him and me. Please? Think about it. Even if I just meet you guys at the park for a little while. You name the place and time and I'll be there," he pleaded.

His request surprised me. It sort of touched my heart, but it was something I needed to consider greatly before allowing it. "I, um, I don't know. Let me think about it and let you know. I'm gonna go."

I dug in my purse, searching for my keys, before I walked around to the driver's side of the car. I was drained, emotionally and physically.

I had no idea what to think of the things Edward told me or the fact that he wanted to continue this conversation another time. I saw a teeny tiny bit of the old him tonight. But I didn't trust him and forgiving him wasn't on my radar.

I had so much on mind to ponder and work through. And I wasn't so sure if knowing he didn't sleep with her made a difference with me. He still betrayed me. I shook the thoughts out of my head. I had to stop dwelling on it all. I had plenty of time to mull it all over, on my own time with no rush. But first, I'd go home and go to sleep.

**~AL~**

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	15. Cry Me a River

**~ AL ~**

**Cry Me a River**

**April 1996**

**~ AL ~**

Every bone in my body ached. The difficulty to get my ass out of bed today was too much. I started my shift at fourteen thirty–two thirty–and had been walking around the ramp delivering payload paperwork to all of my scheduled aircrafts.

Leah was working in the booth filling out all of said paperwork. She had been such a good friend and roommate especially since Edward and I broke up. All my girls had been supportive, even Edward's sister, Alice. I didn't want her involved, to not choose sides, but she hated what he did to me. She saw my pain first hand and it killed her.

When I was able to take a break, I walked myself into the terminal to get some coffee. I needed the caffeine to keep me going. It was only five o'clock in the afternoon and I still had about six hours left of work, and that was if we didn't get hit with mechanicals or weather. I hated when the fog rolled in and the planes had to circle, causing a delay and us having to stay late to work them.

"Bella, what's your location?" Leah's voice crackled through the radio microphone on my shoulder.

I heaved a deep breath, aggravated that I couldn't even take a moment to myself without someone bugging me.

Turning my mouth to the mic on my shoulder and pressing the button to speak, I answered, "I'm at Starbucks at forty-nine alpha. What's up?"

When I let go of the button, Leah began again, "When you're done, come back to the office. Someone's here to see you."

"Copy," I replied.

I waited my turn in line and ordered a Venti coffee with a shot of espresso. Lot's of caffeine. I'd be bouncing off the walls later, but I needed it to keep me going.

Once I got back downstairs and walked toward the office, I tried to figure out who in the world was there to see me. Opening the door, I froze in my tracks. Surprised to see Edward sitting in my chair, looking anxious next to Leah, I contemplated whether to walk back out or go in and see what he wanted.

We hadn't worked together since before Cabo, and here he was in his uniform, sitting in my office. I looked at Leah for a split second and saw her give me a slight shrug. My eyes went back to Edward and I decided to face the music, so I stepped all the way in and stood there waiting for an explanation. He stood up abruptly and began to step toward me.

The thing was, my mind, heart, and soul was still exhausted from our conversation the night before. I had no idea what he wanted so soon.

"Hey," he said with apprehension.

I nodded, not having anything to say to him. I knew I looked weary, I felt it. Leah could sense it too that was why she hadn't left yet. I looked back at her and jerked my chin toward the door, letting her know I needed a few moments alone with him.

"I'll be right back. Call me if you need anything," Leah said and I nodded my reply.

As soon as Leah was out the door, I questioned him.

"What do you want, Edward?"

He looked at the floor while he rubbed his temples. When he finally looked back up at me, I watched as his eyes darkened and his jaw set. He looked determined.

"I, ah, I picked up this shift tonight hoping you and I could go and talk after work. I just–it's important for us to clear the air. So, will you go somewhere with me tonight so we can talk?"

I shifted my weight and looked around the room as if I was searching for the answer. Yeah, I need the answers, the story, but did I want to deal with that tonight. I was too exhausted, but who knew when I'd get the opportunity again. I needed it–the closure.

"I get off at eleven. Where are we going?"

His eyes widened, like he was shocked I agreed so easily. That was probably the only thing between us that would ever come so easily again.

"We can go to Dockweiler beach and talk. I get off at ten."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll meet you there after work." I walked past him and pulled my chair out bumping him so he'd leave and I could sit down in peace. We had nothing further to talk about and I wanted him out of here. I didn't need to be consumed with this at work.

He got the hint and headed for the door. Before he opened it, he looked back at me and said, "Thanks. I mean, for agreeing to speak with me. I know I don't deserve anything from you, but I do want the opportunity to explain what I can. So, I'll see you there." And he left.

The rest of the night dragged. Of course, wasn't that how it happened when you wanted time to go by quickly. The closer to eleven it got, the more anxious I became. I was dying to hear his _story_–his excuses.

So, when it was time to go home, I ran to the time clock, punched out, and hated the fact I had to wait for the bus to take me to the parking lot. When I finally got to my car, I sped off to the beach.

**~ AL ~**

Dockweiler beach was a long stretch of sand and water near the airport. At night, people would go to party and they could use the bonfire pits to stay warm. It had great parking and was easy to access. I found a space right away, grabbed my heavy work jacket, and set off to find Edward. I didn't see his car anywhere, but then again, the parking lot was so big, I shouldn't have expected to.

Nights by the beach were always cool, even in the summer. But with it being spring, I knew my parka would come in handy. So, as I walked down the beach, I slipped it on. My eyes scanned each bonfire pit I passed and then a quick look over to the parking lot to see if I'd spot his car. I didn't have to walk too far, because about four pits down, there he sat, lighting a fire for us.

He must have seen something coming toward him, because his head snapped up quickly and he was surprised to see me. The first expression I saw cross his face was happiness, and then it quickly turned into fear, guilt? I wasn't sure.

When I arrived at the fire pit, I felt a little awkward about being there with Edward.

"Hey, I'm here," I said, moving to sit down.

He stood up and spread out a blanket. "Here, sit here. The sand is cold and damp."

I plopped down on the blanket and toed off my shoes so I could cross my legs. Looking around, I noticed Edward had a backpack with him and he pulled out a big metal Thermos.

"I brought us some hot chocolate. You want some?" he asked.

"Sure, thanks." It sounded perfect right about then. I was wearing shorts and my legs were freezing. I figured it would help warm me up and also break some of the tension.

"So, we should probably start that discussion now, no?" I asked.

He handed me the hot chocolate in a ceramic mug and I wrapped both of my hands around it. I brought it up to my lips and blew on as sipped at it.

He cleared his throat while he poured himself some of the chocolaty goodness and got comfortable in front of me on the blanket. We faced each other and I watched while he prepared himself for this big confession.

"Why don't you start with Cabo. What happened there?" I blurted out, not able to wait another minute longer for him to get the show on the road.

"Here's the thing. Regardless of what I say, it's going to sound like an excuse or a copout. But you want an explanation of something I can't explain, so I'll try my best." He looked at my square in the eyes, waiting for me to agree.

"Okay, and I'll try to understand."

He pursed his lips for a moment and began, "I don't quite remember how it started but, you know, we were at the pool drinking heavily. The open bar and the hot sun did a number on me, and I'm not quite sure when I started blacking out but things are fuzzy.

"I knew those girls were talking to me and the guys, and I thought we were doing a good job ignoring them. Then I don't remember much for a while. At one point, I looked around and you all were gone, and it wasn't until Jasper and Emmett came to get me that I went up to the room to get ready for dinner."

He looked at me expectantly, as if I was going to interrupt him. Fat chance, he could have the floor all night. I wasn't going to say a word until he was done. Then I'd let him have it. So, I sat quietly sipping my warm drink. Since I didn't say anything or make a move, he continued.

"I remember the shower sobering me up just enough to realize where I was and when you left to get ready with Alice and Rose, I went to find the guys. I walked down the hallway and those girls were there near the elevator. They were dressed to go out and asked me to go have a drink at the bar with them. I told them I couldn't and it wasn't a good idea, but somehow, they convinced me to have just one." He shook his head as if he couldn't believe it did what he did.

God, I wanted to choke him and ask at what point did the idea of him going for a drink with them turn into a good one. I huffed a little and sat up straight, stretching my spine. My muscles felt tense and tight and I could feel the anxiety rolling in.

"We had one drink and a shot of tequila, and it was enough to fog my mind over again. I'm not sure when or how, but the three of them dragged me to a local club where I sat in the corner drinking non-stop. They were dancing and doing their thing. I don't recall anymore or how I even got back to the hotel. All of that is a blank."

He tilted his head and tightened his jaw, waiting for the backlash. But I still didn't say anything, just rolled my hand in the air, encouraging him to go on. I needed to know how that led to him giving her my concert ticket.

"I woke up the next morning with Emmett and Jasper ready to kill me, and I was forbidden to even see you, never mind talk to you. They told me you needed time and I tried to give it to you. But as time went by, I just felt stupid about the whole thing because, really, what could I say?" He placed his empty mug on the blanket and scrubbed at his face in frustration.

My legs were falling asleep, so I placed my feet flat on the blanket and bent my knees, tucking them into the bottom of my jacket. My hot chocolate was long gone and the mug was cold.

The mist from the ocean covered the beach and wet everything it touched. My jacket, legs, the blanket, and my even my hair felt damp. The fire from the pit was low and only warmed up the right side of my body. The red, blue, and orange flames lit Edward's face just enough to see every detail of his sexy face. His sexy, cheating face.

However, everything was not all right. He had told me so much and I needed time to process it. Not to mention he still hadn't said anything about the concert. Was he avoiding it on purpose or did he want me to ask? I had no idea what he was thinking anymore.

We were quiet for a while longer until I just couldn't take it and blurted out, "So what about the Maná concert? How did she even get here to be able to go with you? I mean, that whole situation is just fishy."

He widened his arms and spoke as if what I asked had an obvious answer, but to me it didn't.

"She lives in L.A., Bella. That night in Cabo she asked for my number and I guess I gave it to her, she called me." He shrugged. His hands were fidgeting and I could tell he was nervous. "Look, the more time went by without speaking to you, the more awkward it became and I just didn't know how to talk to you again. Then she called me and that's how I found out about her getting my number. I had the extra ticket, so I asked her to go with me. I hadn't seen her before the concert or since, and I'm sure you'll ask, yes, we have spoken."

With my arms wrapped around my legs and my head resting on my knees, I couldn't even look at him. My heart hurt so much. It was just too much to process at once. I needed to go and figure things out. But I had things to say first.

I lifted my head and looked at him. He was watching me; waiting for me to react, respond.

"Edward, I loved you with all of me and the moment you entertained those girls at the pool instead of spending the time with me, you cheated. The decision you made to have a drink with them made you a cheat. Spending the night out with them instead of with me only proved you being a cheat. Then, taking her to _our _concert when you could have taken anyone else in the world made you a coldhearted, jackass cheater. I understood being drunk and making bad choices, and I even understood the blacking out a bit. But the choices you made while conscious were just wrong.

"What you never explained is … why? Why did you even give them a second thought when you had _me_? I'll never understand that. You tore my chest open with your bare hands and ripped my heart out. You crushed me. I trusted you. I just want you to figure out why? I need to know why?" I pounded my fists on my knees to emphasize my pain.

He jumped up onto his knees and came toward me with his arms out to touch me. I scooted back.

"Don't! Don't touch me. Please. Don't."

"Jesus, Bella. Calm down." He put his hands up in surrender. "I don't know why. I have been going crazy trying to figure it all out and all I've come up with is bullshit. Excuses. Stupidity." He shook his head, grabbing and pulling his hair.

"I don't know what you want from me. I can't forgive and forget just like that. I just can't. It's all broken, destroyed. And you did this to us. So, while I appreciate your honesty and I truly do believe you, I just think it's too much."

I started to get up to leave. I needed to go. I didn't want to cry in front of him anymore. He didn't deserve my tears.

"Don't go. I need to know how to fix this. What can I do?" he pleaded, the pain evident on his face and in his voice.

"I have to go, Edward. Don't call me. I need time. There's really nothing you can do to fix this. Just …" I couldn't say anymore without crying. So, I picked up my shoes and ran for the car. The damn broke and the pain racked my body as a torrent of sobs followed.

**~ AL ~**

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